An Uncomplicated Life Blog: What I Think When...

Thursday, October 19, 2017

What I Think When...

Unedited thoughts in real life situations


I wrote this post almost a year ago, and it exploded on the Internets. It was so fun to read people's comments about it my inner thoughts! Since some time has passed, there's been more real life moments that I have some real thoughts about. So friends, here's the second installment of What I Think When...

I hear Sam Smith's "Too good at goodbye's" on the radio:
Dude, get a f**king therapist! Get over your past bro. Stop whining about it and making yourself (and everyone else listening to the song) miserable. Ahhhh, stop it Sam, stop it! Ok, I'm turning the station now, I can't take your sh*t.

The face of a woman who's judging Sam Smith's emotional intelligence 

I drop Otto off at preschool, and *that one mom* beats me to the drop off door:
AHHHHHHHH DAMNIT WHYYYYYY! Kids you dragged your feet and now we're going to have to stand here while she tells the teacher every detail about her daughter, and hugs her and kisses her for a full five minutes which makes her daughter scream and cry which means Otto is going to cry. I want to punch this woman. Tomorrow, we're leaving five minutes earlier so we beat this chick to drop off. Most annoying mom in the world. Plus she's short. Why are short people SO ANNOYING? No, don't fix the bow in your daughter's hair, move out of the way! Your turn is done, like five minutes ago. You've created a line and every other parent is annoyed with you, bish get to steppin'.

(I've seen this woman for almost three years and we still don't say hi to each other so I'm more than sure my disdain for her shows on my face! Oops.)

I'm getting gas at the gas station:
Ok, which side of the car is the thingy on? Oh man, wrong side. Now I look like a dumb blonde. Ok, why isn't it reading my card?! Oh, oops I cancelled the transaction. Everyone is staring at you, stop being dumb Paige! Just put the pump in the car like a normal person. Why won't the pump go in the car? Is that man laughing at me? Ok, got it. Hopefully this is the hardest thing I have to do today, and the stupidest I look... Why did the gas stop after $7, my car was almost on empty? Ughhhhh gas stations I hate you!

I'm feeling a cold coming on:
Ok, which one of you rugrat kids got me sick?! Y'all use me as your personal Kleenex all day long so obvi this would happen. Nooooooo go away sickness!

These cuties will get you sick.

I'm the only mom in a mom group/at a play date who doesn't use her phone for her calender:
Yeah, I'm 33 going on 70 guys. I use a paper planner. It's color coded. *Lowers head in Type A shame* No, it's cool, I'll remember the next play date until I get home and write it in. Actually, I totally wont remember a date for that long, so I'll text you when I'm by my planner. Obnoxious, I know.

I've waited three weeks too long to get my hair done:
*Looks in mirror* Oh God, why?! Paige, go make the appointment. Go. Make. It. Right. Now. *Doesn't make appointment* PAIGE GO MAKE YOUR HAIR APPOINTMENT! Ugh, whatever, dry shampoo will lighten it up a bit.

I'm in a public restroom with my potty training three year old:
Please, Henry, just go potty. Just do it now. *Waits 10-15 minutes, attempts to keep Otto entertained* Henry: "Mommy, I POOPED!" Me: Looks around to see if there are any other feet in the stalls "Good job Henry!" But crap! I don't have any wipes and this public bathroom toilet paper is for sh*t. *Gets poop on hands* UGHHHHH why don't I keep wipes in my damn purse?! First thing I'm doing when I get home is putting some wipes in here *Forgets wipes upon getting home, repeats entire exchange on next outing*

That's a glimpse into my distorted mind, guys. Please tell me I'm not the only one who hates looking at her roots but struggles to actually make the hair appointment to get it colored?! No, just me? Awesome.

5 comments:

  1. Totally with you on the paper calendar front and definitely had that same gas station experience.

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  2. Paper calendars for life! Kellen hates that I don't use my phone. I'm on my phone enough, I don't need it for my calendar too!
    And I remember *that mom* from preschool. You don't need to talk to the teacher every dang day!

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  3. Ha! I love these posts. I think I might do one soon, too.

    And yeah - I HATE using electronic calendars. Paper allll the way.

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  4. I'm with you on the paper planner fo sho. I only use my phone calendar for work, but that doesn't count since it's a second phone I have.
    Dude I always forget what side the gas tank is on. I cannot count the number of times I've had to turn around. Lol!

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  5. You are too freakin' funny! I am the same way at preschool drop off. Jack has had such a hard time, we have found the quicker you go the better! It is easier for them and easier for you!

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