The Culture of Complaint

When did it become cool to constantly complain about being a mom?

I've been thinking a lot lately about motherhood. I wrote this piece about Facebook mommy groups and how they've become toxic places to spend your time because all the women do is complain. My friend Lindsay posted this great piece on how the norm has shifted to accepting, embracing, and celebrating a constant messy home and how how she refuses to apologize for keeping hers clean and tidy. I see memes all the time on the internet that are either complaining about motherhood, whining about how hard it is, or are full out disrespectful to either their husbands or moms who kinda have it together. And it's made me wonder: When did motherhood embrace the culture of complaint?

Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is hard. It's exhausting at times and just when you finally sit down, someone needs a dirty bum wiped. And that always seems to happen at the moment when wiping a dirty bum is exactly the last thing you want to do.

But when did it become so en vogue to complain about it constantly? If you're not sure what I'm talking about, all of these memes were in my Facebook feed just this week alone:

I get it. They're funny. I mean, I didn't actually laugh at all of them, but I can see how they're popular. But they also point to a larger cultural issue: It's cool to complain about motherhood. Incessantly.

I have a few moms in my personal Facebook feed that outline, in detail, every single thing that's going wrong with their day. Some days, it's even multiple posts per day. And the crazy part is, these negative posts get an insane amount of likes! Why would a person put a bad day out into the universe? Perhaps if it was a one-off bad day, I could conclude that they were indeed seeking encouragement. But a bad day everyday? At that point, they're just LOOKING for the bad things that happen so that they can talk about them.

What's up with that?! Why have sites like Scary Mommy become so popular? Why are we constantly seeking out the challenging times and not focusing on the good ones? Worse yet - the moms who do refuse to complain are getting crucified. I read a comment on one of the above memes that read something to the effect of, "Really? I guess I just don't find my days to be that challenging, and if I did, I would return to the traditional workplace..." You should have seen the replies! She got called a perfect Pinterest mom and her "privilege" to stay home was called out, and I'm choosing not to repeat the nasty and jealous things that were said about her. Those moms didn't want any of her positivity or common sense (like, duh, if you're constantly not happy staying home with your children, go get a job) They wanted to keep the negativity and promote the culture of complaint.

Why be mad with a mom who isn't miserable? Why be mad at a mom who knows that if she is miserable, she HERSELF has the power to make herself happy again?

Staying home was a big adjustment for me, and motherhood has some tough days. But it's not this constant thing of misery that the memes and some moms on social media would have you believe. I'm sorry (actually, nope I'm not) but I don't find motherhood to be miserable! I don't find working from home to be miserable. I'm not mad or jealous of my husband for "escaping" off to work everyday, and I'm not spiteful of his business trips in four star hotels that result in 72 hour straight shifts with the kids.

Why? Because I get to be the one that sees my first son take his first steps. I get to video Otto crawling for the first time. I get to drop Henry off at school and watch him be the only confident, non crying two year old who hugs his brother goodbye and then goes to help his teachers. I get to witness so many of the motherhood wins, and the wins far outweigh the complaints.

Wouldn't it be awesome if motherhood stopped being a competition on who has it worse and instead became more focused on the sweet moments that make it great? I don't mean we need to dismiss the challenges. Let's talk about those too. But let's make sure we also talk about how motherhood is fun and rewarding. If a mom has two young kids and a clean house, let's ask her how she does it instead of name calling her. Let's embrace the moms who have it together! Let's help the moms who don't! But can we please, please stop this stupid culture of complaint already?

Fall SAHM or Weekend Style

Causal looks for SAHM's or the weekend are available for cheap at thredUP!

Gone are the days I wore heels everyday, curling my hair with perfect makeup, pressed shirt tucked neatly into a pencil skirt, sipping coffee as I commute into an office. Those clothes are actually still in my closet. Who knows if they'll still be stylish enough to wear when (if!) I return to a 9-5. These days, I need clothes that are comfortable enough to wear all day. I need to be able to sit on a floor and play at the park in them. I need to be able to carry 30 pounds of toddler in one arm and 20 pounds of baby in the other, without falling over. Clearly, I'm not spending a ridic amount on designer labels because that would be outright foolish - why spend $250 on shorts when I'm just going to get covered in toddler goo?! However, I still love high end names and looks. I've figured out a way to style them this fall for SAHM's or for weekend looks and thredUP helps me find them for cheap.

I can't say that I'm particularly stylish anymore. I try to stay up with things, but I just don't have the time to read fashion magazines or gossip blogs to stay on top of it. I don't understand why anyone is wearing flared jeans (takes me back to Jr High and High School like whoa) and I laugh at grown women in rompers. Like seriously, how do you pee?! Why are you torturing yourself?!

I do know enough, though, to know that high waists are cool and short shirts are in. Booties have replaced tall riding boots. I'm just now becoming comfortable to have a shirt that might show just a glimpse of midriff if I raise my arms, as I've almost lost all my baby weight and I can juuuuuuust start to see those abs again. But frankly, as a mom, I just have no business wearing the full out midriff trend. The fact that I'm in my 30's seals that deal.

Here in Texas, it's still 80-90 degrees (or more!) daily. Our fall weather looks like most others' summer. So for me, the perfect fall SAHM or weekend style is a good boyfriend distressed jean short, long sleeves and booties. If it's closer to that 90+ mark, replace the long sleeves with a short sleeve and an even shorter bootie. I can sit on the floor and play trains, I can run errands or I can play at the park in these looks!

The best part of these fall SAHM or weekend styles? I got the shorts at thredUP. I found a pair of Adriano Goldschmied (AG) boyfriend shorts that retail for $188 for a mere $47.99 on thredUP. They were brand new with the tags still on y'all. Now, I'm not big into consignment or discount stores, mainly for one reason: I can never find anything in my size. But on thredUP, you can search by your size so you're only seeing things you know will fit! Is there anything as disappointing as seeing something you love and then, whoompwhoomp, it's not available in your size? 

I mean, I can think of more than a few things as disappointing, but I digress.

The site has tons of things, all in good condition to brand new with tags, like these shorts I picked out. It's easy to search your size. If you don't end up liking it after you get it, you have 14 days to return it and they pay the shipping. How easy is that?! Not only that, moms - this means you can shop after the babes are asleep, get high end brands for pennies on the dollar and have zero regrets after buying because you can simply return it. Winning.

I'm no fashion blogger, but I also don't want to be a frumpy SAHM. These shorts are perfect for Texas fall weather. They're long enough to cover my butt (what's with the high-waist, butt-cheeck-haning-out-Cochella-style trend? Ahhh, see, I fail at real fashion blogging!) and distressed enough to let a little more skin show. I'll be able to wear these with booties and long sleeves, a cardigan, or even a few layers well into November here. Go check out thredUP to create your own fall SAHM or weekend style looks for less! 

Holistic Living Fails

I try to implement an all around holistic lifestyle but some things I just fail at.

Like many parents, I'm concerned about the "crap" we have in our home. I'm concerned about the environment I provide for my kids. I don't want there to be unnecessary chemicals or toxins that we're constantly exposed to if there are better alternatives. I use essential oils for skincare and other beauty/personal DIYs. I've recently cleaned out my makeup bag after reading about how the FDA doesn't regulate what's in cosmetics - and you know they just banned the crap that's in antibacterial soap, so they're way behind the curve. Your skin is your biggest organ and if you're spreading cheap drugstore cosmetics all over it, I'm concerned for you. I really am! All of that said, I'm not perfect. I don't fully implement a holistic living life. In fact, I have some pretty big holistic living fails. Here are my top offenders:

Wearing standard deodorant

Yup, I wear good ol' toxic-y Secret deodorant. I tried to do a DIY deodorant with essential oils and arrowroot powder, amongst other things, and it was a FAIL. It actually did keep me from being stinky, but I developed a rash in the folds of my armpit (TMI?), I'm assuming from the starchiness of the arrowroot powder. Anyway, I gave it a solid try and went back to conventional brands. We all know the natural deodorant aisle doesn't have anything that works and I couldn't make some thing that worked, so there you have it.

Gimme the deodorant that WERKS

Using conventional dishwasher detergent

I have tried EVERY (ok, not really, but it sure feels like it!) natural brand for dishwasher soap. It's almost as if these brands leave your dishes dirtier than when you put them in, no? There's literally a nasty residue left on all your glasses, and your silverware still have food on stuck on plus that nasty, grimy residue. We use Finish . Oops. But dirty, cloudy dishes are a pet peeve, not to mention just plain out gross! And Finish leaves them sparkly and squeeky clean. There's something about the dishwasher specifically that doesn't work with crunchy detergent, because I've used the natural stuff for hand-wash only dishes with some success.

#sorrynotsorry I want my dishes sparkling

Using traditional carpet cleaner

This is one I wish I didn't use, and really want to look into other options. So far, all the other options involve vinegar of some sort, and call me crazy, but I'm NOT putting that on a carpet! Would the smell ever come out? Wouldn't I just be trading a stain for a smell? We have hardwood or tile everywhere except the playroom and the bedrooms, and let me tell you: Boys do a number on them. All my boys. Not a day goes by that my husband doesn't spill coffee (not kidding) in one of the rooms, my dog will have wet and muddy paws that leaves a mark somewhere, and Henry will use a carpet as his own personal napkin after a messy PB&J. I NEED a good carpet cleaner! Someday we'll replace all the carpet with more hardwood, but until then, I'm going to steer clear of all this vinegar talk I see and use some good old chemically cleaner. Sue me.

A boymom's best friend

I visit a drive thru several times a year
I know, I know, "several times a year" isn't anything to be ashamed of in comparison to the national average... But I wish I never went at all. The only place we go is Chick-fil-a or Jakes (local to Dallas) because daaaaaang, sometimes I'm tired and don't want to cook and a burger with a poppy seed bun is calling my name, or a fried chicken sandwich (why get grilled when you can get fried? If I'm going out, I'm going ALL out!) with pickles on it is the only thing that will do. I try to keep it to no more than six times a year. And those are some glorious six times, friends. Sigh. Don't worry, I eat extra-organic the next day for balance!

Hey guys, I'm not perfect. I try to live the healthiest lifestyle I can. I try to make sure my house has as few chemicals as possible, and I sure do try to be as holistic as possible in my lifestyle and approach to healthcare. But sometimes, just sometimes y'all, the crunchy way isn't the best way. Sometimes I just gotta go the conventional route, and write my loss off as a holistic living fail!