An Uncomplicated Life Blog: So... That Was Gross

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

So... That Was Gross

HALT! Stop right there. No, this post is not baby related. Whew, you can continue reading and know that you'll be spared any poop/potty/spit-up/diaper story. Heyyyooo!

The day I went into labor, I had gone to the mall to get some Clinique items that were nearly out. Little did I pay attention, BECAUSE I WAS IN LABOR, the lady who assisted me gave me the wrong color of concealer. I realized this the morning of one of my two-to-three-hours-of-sleep nights, then slathering on a good layer of concealer, as I looked in the mirror and thought, "OMG what happened to my face, did I 'sleep-smoke' a pile of meth?!"

I went back and exchanged the wrong color. And it was Clinique bonus time! And the bag was actually cute! And I got to thinking... It has been a loooooooong time since I switched out makeup bags. And then I thought further... It has been a looooooong time since I had "cleaned out" my makeup, and there were likely tons of expired items in there.

This is a post about the exciting things I (embarrassingly enough) found in my beloved makeup bag.

But first, let's set the scene: an unmade bed full of folded laundry. A baby in my lap who consistently drops his paci. Makeup everywhere. Let's hear it for the mamas who have worked in these conditions before!

Henry would be covered in shimmery nonsense by the end of my makeup cleaning rampage.

I started by attacking the apple-covered makeup bag. It had been years since I threw anything out... Let's take a look at what I found:

I actually remember when I got this! I was 25 years old. Clearly, I've used up my favorite colors from this palette. It hasn't been touched in years. Why is it still around?!
This little gem kept (past tense intentional) your eye makeup from going into your creases. The last time it was used what my last humid summer in MN, which was 2012. Not to mention, it's about empty... Why is it still around?!

Ahhh, THIS! I got this in an Ipsy bag when I still had an Ipsy subscription. I really can't believe I didn't throw it straight in the trash, considering I'm not a stripper, I don't go to Jersey Shore clubs, and I'm not a professional clown. Why is it still around?!

I saved the best for last, y'all! I've had this since THE 8th GRADE! I got it at one of those little stands in the Mall of America, before they had to put curfews on teenagers because teens like to shoot people at that disgusting mall. Yes, 8th grade. WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHRISTMAS is this still doing around?!

And finally, after much cleaning and disgust on my end, this is what my makeup bag looked like on the inside. I was so grossed out, it went immediately in the trash!

That's about five years of makeup buildup, friends. You just can't un-see sights like that.

I'm happy to report that I'm now current with all makeup and am sporting a new, clean bag to store it all in! Not only is this fantastic from a cleanliness standpoint, but it also greatly reduced the amount of makeup I have, which is great because honestly - I don't wear a whole lot of it these days. No new mommy with a fussy newborn has time for it! Good riddance.


  1. yes!!!! I finally had a second to breathe and catch up on blogs. I am so happy you stopped by because I absolutely love your blog. Especially your writing. Seriously I had so many of those stackable eyeshadows and they got EVERYWHERE!!!! I try to clean out my makeup but I have one large zip tote under my sink that I seriously need to throw away and never look back p.s your nails look fabulous!!! xoxoxo

    1. Thank you Amanda!!! Weren't those stackable things DUMB? Ahhh, 1997... And I'm guessing my secret to great nails is prenatal vitamins, since they haven't been done in months ;)

  2. just about choked on my licorice with that stripper comment lol This reminds me of all the old make up I have stashed... I should probably toss mine as well!

    1. It's crazy how the years fly by and all of a sudden you think, "Ummm... This could be five years old. Maybe seven. Nope, wait, it's at least ten years old! Man, I'm gross." Right?! Please tell me I'm not alone in this...

  3. Haha I laughed about the stripper eyeshadow. I used to have tons of old makeup that disappeared. I think it was lost in a flood. Since then I haven't purchased much new makeup. I'm trying to rebuild my collection. It is always good to start anew. Especially with old expired makeup.