An Uncomplicated Life Blog

Monday, July 16, 2018

Mini Summer Vacation!

Taking the week to enjoy some of the weeks of summer! We had to do our annual summer vacay early this year since I won't be allowed to travel come August (too pregnant with the twins) so we're soaking up some sun and fun while we can... And while I can still walk (albeit with a massive waddle) and don't need one of those motorized carts to get around! I'll see you back here Monday, July 23 with a whole bunch of fun new content.

And now it's time for... VACATION MODE! No fishing for me though, thanks. Fish gross me out. So slimy and stinky.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Current Snarky Confessions

If I were Catholic, this would be my Thursday confessional of impure thoughts

It's been ages since we just sat and caught up, no? That's somewhat intentional because my monthly bump dates are pretty close to my current thoughts and happenings. If you haven't read those, even if you're not pregnant or a man or don't care, they might amuse you, so check them out here and here. This post, however, is dedicated to all the impure thoughts I've had recently - the judgmental, the snarky, the not so nice stuff - you know, the kind you need to confess to and seek forgiveness. Read at your own risk of being offended. Or amused, if you're well adjusted and know how to properly let things go.

Is there anything worse than when your manicurist leaves your nails too long?! I get dips, so my nails don't break or chip, they simply grow out until I get a new color put on. If they're left too long, they turn into straight up CLAWS. I spent most of last week struggling to use my phone and typing on my laptop, they were such eagle-like-daggers. First world problems? Sure, but I paid $47 for this vampire botch job mani, so I'll cry about it if I friggin want to. And suck your blood if you're rolling your eyes at me right now. Better sleep with one eye open, cause these nails can kill.

The Target maternity tank I bought that will fit me for maybe one more week. I sized up.

The inability of clothing manufacturers to consistently size women's clothing the same blows my mind. Bought two new tanks at Target. Bought a sundress from the same designer. The sundress was an XS and too big for me, the tanks were S and too tight. I know it's crappy and cheap Target clothes, but seriously! Can they not do their job right? Can they not cut patterns correctly from cloth? Do they secretly get enjoyment from pissing women off with all these weird sizes?

What is with pregnant women comparing their gestational diabetes tests to the likes of facing a dang firing squad?! It's not that bad, it's not that hard, you chug a drink that tastes like off-brand Powerade and get pricked by a needle. Settle the heck down. It's nothing compared to birth.  It's nothing compared to when things *actually* go medically wrong in your pregnancy. You don't even have to fast anymore. You literally just have to chug a drink and get pricked by one needle. That's it. One thing pregnant women are known to do is taking advantage of every "opportunity" for special treatment they can get (myself included here - I feel like I can say this as a current pregnant woman!) and they're taking full advantage of complaining about this test. Eye roll. So hard.

How we roll when it's super hot out. And by super hot, I mean well over 100 degrees.

I can't help but laugh when I see people up north complaining about 90 degrees. I haven't felt air that cool since May! Heat warnings for a mere 90 degrees? I mean, for real? I don't even run my car AC for 90 degrees. That's windows down kinda weather! For the record, I think the same thing when I see people freaking out in Texas over 30 degrees, all decked out in every single piece of winter gear they own. Except at 30 degrees, your pipes can burst and destroy your home, your landscaping can get destroyed to the tune of thousands of dollars and if there's ice on the road, you're not going anywhere... But 90 degrees? Sounds like a pleasant day to me! Pour yourself a lemonade and get outside and enjoy it. And know that everyone across the South, but especially in the Southwest, has daggers in their eyes at your "heat advisory" and "heat index" nonsense.

Gimme all the pumpkins! Cannot wait to decorate and do all the fall things.

I will absolutely not apologize for starting to get excited for all things fall. Yes, it's July. But bloggers run on retail calendar, so this means I can already start to plan and pin and schedule fall content, and it gets me SO EXCITED. Frankly, thinking about and creating fall content in the hellish months of Texas summer make this place bearable! Don't like it? Stay off Pinterest and out of any and all retail stores until you're ready to face the coming season! I'm happy as a clam over here planning my fall content. In July. Not even sorry a little bit. I cannot WAIT to pull out my seasonal decorations and get this party started! Also, does this paragraph makes sense immediately after a paragraph telling people to stop complaining about heat? Meh, probably not, but I thought it was funny.