I've been pretty open about how motherhood has been a struggle for me. Outside of some baby blues issues, I've really wondered just exactly WHY it's been so challenging.
And then my sister posted an article about how, after you birth a child, you are now a "mom" above everything else, and it accompanies all your other titles and labels. You drive a "mom car" and get a "mom haircut" and for those first few post-partum weeks (perhaps longer) you even wear "mom jeans."
|Blissfully unaware that motherhood would permanently alter my identity|
Everything you now do has the label of "mom" in front of it, as placed there by society. "Ahhh-ha!" I thought when I read that. THAT is exactly it! I'm no longer Paige. I'm "mom Paige." This isn't even a label I put on myself, it's forced on me through the views of our culture. Suddenly (literally overnight, as Henry was born at 10:15pm), Paige was replaced with "mom Paige" and the kidnapping of Paige absolutely rocked me to my core.
Men don't have this issue. They aren't defined by their children. You never hear of "dad haircuts" or "dad jeans" or "dad cars." But somehow, women are completely defined by their little ones. I went from being Paige: writer, marketer, and free spirit to Paige: mom, mommy writer, and mommy blogger (I really had a heart attack the first time I was called that).
The involuntary redefinition of who I am is why motherhood has been such a major adjustment for me. It's not the late nights and early mornings, the diapers, the vomit, the poo (so much poo!), the giggles, the playtime, reading children's books and having nonstop baby talk.
It's that I'm not simply Paige anymore. And I never will be again. It's taken me seven months to accept that. Perhaps some moms are cool with their new labels right away. But if you struggle like I did with it, you're not a "bad mom" a "terrible person" or anything else. You're human. A woman who wants balance between who SHE is, and her role as a mama. And I'm right there with you.
|Motherhood is tough, but I was blessed with the happiest little goofy guy!|