An Uncomplicated Life Blog: When You Just Want to Escape From Your Own Child

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Monday, December 8, 2014

When You Just Want to Escape From Your Own Child

Last week was a rough one. Henry cut his first two teeth, and was extremely upset about it. Husband was away on a work trip, so I had zero help/breaks from a screaming, whining, fussy child. We had an unusual amount of appointments to treat Henry's torticollis. We put an offer in on our first house, so when I wasn't running all over town for Henry's appointments, I was lugging him (literally, kid weighs well over 20 pounds) to and through house tours with our realtor.

Additionally, he's in a stage where he demands to be constantly entertained. Placing him in a bouncer isn't enough - kid wants you to interact with him and help him play with toys. Or he wants you to toss him in the air. Or help him take assisted steps all over the house. Stop physically and mentally engaging him? Oh, it's scream city. He even screams when he's in the car, something that used to immediately put him to sleep. And let me just tell you how fun rush hour is with a screamer.

Photo source Henry's constant expression these days...

Which meant that I got no peaceful showers (actually, I took exactly ONE shower last week), trips to the bathroom or meals (actually, I only got to eating two meals a day). Makeup?! Haven't worn it. My hair was a greasy topknot mess, split ends fraying out from every angle.

It was the kind of week where I broke down.  I put Henry in his crib to fuss it out and headed to the master bathroom. I sat on the floor and turned on the ventilation fan - the only place in the house far enough away and loud enough to drown out my baby's screams.

In those moments, all I wanted to do was NOT be a stay at home mom. I missed the days when I would get ready every morning for my office job. Hell, I missed my old office! It was big, with three windows and beautiful hardwood floors that beat the heck out of the cold tile I was hiding out on. I thought, "You know what?! F*$K this! I have a Master's degree and ten years of work experience but all I do is get covered in vomit, fold laundry and wash bottles. I am way better than this bullsh*t!

Take the cat out of this pic, and this is my daily life. Photo source

I would have run out to my laptop to immediately start searching for nannies if I hadn't remembered that I'd have to do that to a excruciating soundtrack of a very upset baby.

Being a SAHM is the hardest job I've ever done. Hands down. There are no breaks, there are no sick days, eating lunch is a privilege that I don't get everyday. It's lonely. It's ugly and gross - most days there's spit up in my hair and sometimes it's all down my back. It can be boring, as the repetitiveness of the "eat, burp, change, tummy time, play time" cycle lacks adult mental stimulation. It's thankless. Henry certainly never says, "Hey, thanks for wiping my butt, mama!"

But I don't want to hand my kid over to daycare so that someone else can raise him. I want him to smile at ME after he wakes up from his naps. I want to be there to watch as he learns new skills. I want to be the one to teach him those skills. I want to show him how to be kind and respectful. I want to watch as he makes new friends, and I want to kiss his boo-boo's when he falls.

So I took a few deep breaths and got up off the bathroom floor to head back to the nursery to calm my screaming baby. But he must have sensed my frustration and calmed his own self down, because I found him sleeping peacefully in his crib.

It's funny how in the end, everything all works out as it should.


24 comments:

  1. Oh girl. So sorry things are tough right now. You're a heck of a momma, don't ever forget it. Henry is going to really learn to love and appreciate you (and all that you've done for him).

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    1. Awww, thanks lady. I figure Henry will appreciate me when he's 30ish or so! I know I didn't fully appreciate my mom until I was about 21, and guys tend to take longer with everything, so... Lol!

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  2. Whenever we go and visit my sister with her three kiddos I will literally say to Mark "okay here is your window take a shower and your obnoxiously long bathroom break now or you will not have another chance......like at all". The first thing I do when I get there is grab her kids and say "Christina take your time....shower.....mascara....I got this". That is seriously her happy time because just being able to be by herself with no one bugging her. I think about that all the time. Between taking care of myself and the large grown man in my life I can't imagine picking up after him and a tiny human that can't walk or use both hands efficiently. I love these honest posts by you!

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    1. You are the BEST sister, because that is exactly what she needs! Just a shower that isn't rushed, time to do her makeup like she did before she had kids, and peace and quiet. Now! When are you coming to visit me?!

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    2. Soon!!!!!! Definitely need to get a Texas trip in after the Wedding!

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  3. You absolutely have one of the hardest jobs out there - it's thankless, it's hard and it's not always fun!! I give you so much credit and even more credit for realizing when you needed to step away and just let it all out!!

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    1. Yes ma'am! I was about to lose my sh*t, so I camped out in the only place it's quiet! Thanks girl!

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  4. I love this post. My last day at work was Friday and today is my first day at home full-time with my son. I am very much in the honeymoon phase as he naps and I find new blogs but I have wondered, will I miss the office life? Thanks for being so real. I will enjoy the peace and quiet of this life for as long as I have it. Even if it is only until nap time is over. HA!

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    1. Enjoy the honeymoon stage! It's not always like this - there are good days too - but goodness, the bad ones are long. On top of it, my husband travels for work, so when it's a long day, I actually mean that literally. Sometimes my shifts with Henry without one break exceed 72 hours. Hopefully, your hubs is home every night to give you a little time off!

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  5. Being a SAHM is definitely hard and thankless. I don't have any kids and I know that! I love your honesty and hope these days are few and far between.

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    1. Shout out to any kid-less friends who understand how challenging it can be! It's funny, I tell my friends this job is bipolar - it's either the best thing or the hardest thing. I wouldn't trade the days that Henry is all chatter and smiles for anything!

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  6. I'm with Kristen- I don't even have kids and I can't imagine what hard work being a SAHM is. Love this post!

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    1. Thanks lady! I know everyone, in every profession, has their challenging days. I tell myself that at least I don't have annoying coworkers to deal with, lol!

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  7. I really appreciate your honesty! I'm undecided about whether I want a kid or not, but if I do I can definitely see myself in your shoes. I know I'd want to be the person who's there with my kid every day, but at the same time, I don't want to stay home. So, I don't know. But mad props to you for being an awesome mom and not being afraid to tell it like it is!

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    1. Thanks Tracy! Honestly, blogging has helped to keep me sane and mentally engaged, so you have that going for you too! It gives you something to do besides playing with giraffes and monkeys and monitoring tummy time :)

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  8. Oh hun I'm sorry! We have all been there, but it is never good while you're in the moment. When my daughter was about 8 weeks old my hubby went on his first biz trip since she was born and at one point both of us were on the floor crying. Being a SAHM is for sure the hardest job out there. I hope things are better this week for you all!

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    1. These husbands and their business trips - the root of all evil, I tell ya! (The work trip, not the husband.) I don't think both of us have been on the floor crying yet, but it's likely just a matter of time ;)

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  9. I have even so much appreciation for the job you do. Most people can leave work at the end of the day but as a stay at home mom there are almost no breaks. But the hardest jobs are also the best. I hope Henry tooth is out and no more pain

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    1. So true Ursula! It's the old "risk/reward" theory, except we can sub in "hard work/enjoyable moments." Henry now has two bottom teeth! I'm trying to get an unblurry pic of him smiling (he's a mover, that one) to post to Insta to show them off!

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  10. Hope it gets better soon and I'm sure it does. I'm not a mom so can't offer up an spectacular advice but I feel that way about my new puppy when she started getting super hyper and wants to bite and chew everything...just breathe!!!

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    1. I remember feeling this way when Otis was a puppy too! Potty training was a struggle. And then he got it and life got so much easier. Hang in there, fur-mama!

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  11. I can so relate! But it gets easier, I promise!
    Hi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
    Have a nice day!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! Oh, it already has come MILES since he was a newborn. Our family just has too much going on right now!

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