An Uncomplicated Life Blog: Finding Out The Twins' Gender

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Finding Out The Twins' Gender

It should have been a simple process, but finding out our twins' gender took multiple weeks, a failed test and ultimately, two ultrasounds.


Did you read that subheader? So ridiculous right? I totally get there are two camps of people when it comes to pregnancy: those who find out the gender and those that wait until birth. I'm a type A planner: I want to plan the nursery, buy the right clothes and generally prepare myself for what to expect after birth. For me, part of the enjoyment of pregnancy is nesting and planning. So I fall into the first camp, and frankly, completely don't understand the second camp! It's 2018, why on earth would you wait?! It's a surprise either way, so to tell me you like surprises doesn't cut it. Anyway, I digress. I found out the gender of both of my boys at their anatomy scan, but after the shock of twins I was ready to up my game and find out earlier! If only that had worked... This is the ridiculous, stupid story of finding out my twins' gender. *Affiliate links used*

Bought these adorable outfits from Kyte Baby before I knew the gender, which is my new fave baby shop. Everything is made from bamboo and SO soft and breathable! Shop all their prints here 

At my 8 week appointment when we found out there were two, I immediately asked my OB if there was a blood test I could do to learn the gender(s) of the babies as early as 10-12 weeks - in the first trimester for sure. She nodded her head and said, "Yes, there's a test now that will do that, even if they're different genders and fraternal twins." Great, I thought! Sign me up for that. She told me I'd come back in for a blood draw at 11 weeks and we'd have the results in about a week. Perfect! I scheduled a time to come in for my blood draw and began waiting.

At my blood draw, I didn't actually see my OB, just a lab tech. I confirmed with her that I was having the Panorama test and that I'd be able to discover the gender of the twins. She laughed at me and said, "That's the most important part?!" And I said, "Actually, yeah. I have two healthy boys; I know this test isn't diagnostic, it just gives a risk factor level. Having two normal kids is about as great an indicator as I need to know I'm low risk for abnormalities. But I do have two boys, and these are my last babies, and I'm DYING to know what I'm having!" She looked at me and told me she totally got it. She herself was a mom of four boys.

Seven days went by. The rest results said they'd be in somewhere between 7-10 days after the blood draw. On day 8, I called my OB's office just to see if they were in. They were!! The nurse of course went over the medical part of the test first, and no surprise, I was low risk for everything. Then she asked me if I wanted to know the GENDER. To which I said, "don't you mean the genders - plural?! It's twins. I think it's a boy and a girl, but yes, TELL ME NOW!!" She then got very confused. "Ummm, let's see. Ummmm. Well. Ok. I'm seeing male DNA, so you're for sure having one boy... But I can't tell if the other reading is your DNA or a baby girl. I think it's a boy and a girl, but hold on. Let me check."

I was totally confused! I thought this test provided clear results on twin gender(s) regardless of what you were having. I held on, seriously focusing on my breath because my pulse skyrocketed to about 150 beats a minute. Nothing like getting a for sure confirmation on the baby of the gender you already have, and the one being up in the air is the one you don't have, and really, really want. 

She came back to the line and told me she was "pretty sure" it was a boy and a girl, but that my OB would have to read through the results and call me back. Ok, I thought, I can handle this. I waited two hours, by which point I had to leave to pick my kids up from preschool. I know how busy my OB's office can get, so I called again just to see if my OB had a chance to review my results and leave a note on my file so a nurse could explain it to me.

I got a different nurse this time. There was no note from my OB. The second nurse also wasn't sure how to read the test, and told me that my OB was on a conference call but that she'd give her the test as soon as she was off and would have her call me. HOW FREAKING HARD IS IT TO READ THIS THING? I wondered. Sh*t, I have a Master's, send it to me and I promise you, I'll figure that ish out and do your job for you. Crazy Paige was on the verge of making an appearance.

Got these two cute onesies in Richmond when we knew that Baby A was a boy and were unsure of Baby B. I'm definitely loving more gender neutral clothing. Get the pineapple print here and shop similar to the mermaid print here

Hours pass. I made supper for the boys. I looked at the clock, and it was 4:55. My OB's office closed in 5 minutes and nobody had called me clarifying my results. So I call them, annoyed as hell, and speak to the first nurse I spoke to earlier that day, who was equally annoyed with me. "It looks like your test was run as a singleton, not a twin test. Your OB put in orders with the company to have it re-run." Oh, ok! I thought - so that's why the results aren't clear? "But it won't change the results on gender. You're having twins, so there isn't a test that will tell us both genders. Usually we can only find out one, unless you're having identical twins, then we know both. But yours are fraternal and we can't tell."

I took a deep breath. Mustered all my energy to hold in all the cuss words about to spill from my foul mouth loving self. Then said, "I explicitly had this test done because I was told, MORE THAN ONCE, that it would tell me the gender of the twins! I was told I was getting the Panorama test, and that was basic info we'd learn for sure from the test. It's the only reason I had the test!" To which she told me my OB doesn't use that brand of test because their genetic information was consistently coming back inconclusive, so they switched to another brand. This other brand didn't guarantee twin gender results. She told me she'd have someone from the test call me to go over what information I could expect. "THAT IS NOT THE POINT! I requested a very specific test and was told I was getting THAT test. That was not delivered to me. I did not get what I wanted, and what I expect I'll have to pay for out of pocket!"

Then I hung up on her because the cuss words were bubbling out and I was going to four letter word vomit all over this poor nurse. So instead, I threw my iPhone as hard as I possibly could, and it smashed to pieces, even with a protective case on it. I threw it that hard! At 6pm, when I should have been getting the kids ready for bed and winding down for the night with my gender news, I was pissed, riled up and heading to ATT to spend a bajillion dollars on a new iPhone. We walked in the door and Otto immediately pooped in his pants. I didn't have a diaper bag with me to change him. The ATT woman kept trying to up-sale me with add ons I didn't want. Finally I looked at her with a death stare and said, "My kid just sh*t his pants in your store. We're almost past bedtime. My two kids and I are going to lose it in about three minutes, so you'd better stop trying to sell me stupid sh*t and stop talking and get this new phone working unless you want a disturbance so loud, this store will implode on itself. Just hook up my new phone."

She didn't talk to me or even look at me for the rest of the visit, so I'd call that a success. Ugh, sales people. 

The next day I was finally able to speak to my OB. We were both equally annoyed with each other. She with me because I was calling frequently and more concerned with gender than health and me with her because I wasn't getting straight answers and ultimately wasn't given the test we had agreed I'd get. And no, I would not get to know the gender of both twins, just that one was for sure a boy.

I had decided the twins would have an outdoorsy, critter themed nursery before any gender(s) were known, and picked these blankets up at the Dallas Prego Expo, which if it's coming to your city, you should absolutely go! It was a great event. 

At 13 weeks I had an ultrasound to ensure that the two babies each had their own placentas. I believe I was technically 13.5 weeks so I thought, heck - we might see something! Baby A was all about that crotch shot life, and we learned that was for sure our boy. Baby B, on the other hand, would not give us a good crotch shot. It kept looking and waving at the camera, and would cross it's legs and flip around whenever she tried to angle the ultrasound to it's crotch. Awesome. Still only one boy confirmed.

I was told twins have two sets of anatomy scans. One for all the major body parts that was done between 16-18 weeks, then another at 21-22 weeks specifically for the heart. My OB wouldn't do this; instead, I had to go see a specialist. I got my appointment booked for May 24 and began waiting. Again. 

That morning I showed up right on time and did my paperwork. Then I waited. For over an hour! Finally, I was called back, but it was to an office room, not an ultrasound room. The woman was professionally dressed. I asked her if she'd be doing my ultrasound and she said no - she was a genetic counselor. WHAT?! Then she informed me that all twin moms over 32 (considered advanced maternal age for twins! I mean, really? And I guess advanced maternal age for triplets is just 27!) have to speak to a genetic counselor. So I wasted 15 minutes of my life going over my normal/low risk book work with her and talking about my very normal/low risk family history. Can't wait to get the bill for that BS. 

When we were done, I FINALLY got to the ultrasound room, a full two hours after my appointment time. The doctor came in with a nurse who were both very friendly and likable. As they were setting up I told her all about my journey to finding out the gender of Baby B, and how all my hopes and dreams of having a girl are riding on this one baby. She did a quick scan of my whole uterus and said, "Ok, you wanna know?" YASSSSSS lady, spill the beans! "You're having two boys."

I wasn't shocked, or even surprised. I just told her, "I know Baby A is a boy, but you're going to need to get a really, really good crotch shot of Baby B for me to believe it's yet another boy." She proceeded to do the anatomy scan on Baby A; all was healthy. Then she moved over to B. This time that little baby was all about the crotch shot too and gave us a great view. Low and behold, another penis is being added to my life. The nurse, who was particularly likable and fun to chat with, said, "oh honey, you're not just having boys - your boys are well endowed. There is no question those are boys!" And it was true. There was absolutely no question on a "nub." Neither boys just had mere nubs. It was clearly, 100% certain, 100% twin boys.

Looks like I'll be able to reuse both Henry (short sleeved - shop here)  and Otto's (long sleeved thermal Henley shop here)  newborn onesies, depending on when they're actually born and what our weather is doing. 

I didn't cry until I got to the car - much like when I found out I was having twins (read that story here in case you missed it). I'm uncomfortable getting emotional in front of people and when emotional things happen in public, it's like this strange sense of calm washes over me and carries me until I'm able to be alone to let out whatever needs to come out. Both the doctor and the nurse knew I wasn't thrilled. I just laid there until they were done with the anatomy scan (Baby B is healthy too). Then I set up my appointment for the heart scan and calmly walked out, not really chatting with anyone after the gender news.

It's hard to be mad when you have zero fertility problems. I get pregnant when I want to get pregnant and have healthy children. I'm not certainly not mad about that and indeed know how lucky I am (my mom was an IVF nurse for 20 or so years; our dinner convos growing up were on how some women struggle to get pregnant.) But did I want four boys? No. Did I want twin boys? Nope, not that either. Did I truly believe God gave me twins because if we had just had one more instead of two, it would have been a boy, so clearly He gave me twins so that I could get my one girl? Yeah, that's what I thought. It sounded reasonable, it made sense and most importantly, it explained MY desires about my own life. 

But here's the thing: God does not give you what you want. He isn't Santa Claus. You can't will, or hope or even pray YOUR desires into existence. There is no magical list of promises He keeps for you about your life so that all of YOUR dreams will be fulfilled. He might never give you kids at all. He might only give you one when you wanted a house full of them. He might give you four boys when all you've wanted your whole life was a daughter. 

I'm not a religious person at all, but I am spiritual. I find the presence of God is more relatable out in nature or on my yoga mat, not on my knees in a church. And through hanging out with Him and talking to Him in my own way that has enabled me to find Him, I've come to understand this: God does NOT give you what you want. But He sure as heck always finds a way to give you what you need, and usually exactly when you need it. I'm not sure how or why I need four penises (six actually, with a male dog and a husband!), but I'm sure that story will unfold as the children grow up and all the ways I need them in my life unfold. 

Finding out the twins' gender was one crazy, drawn out ride! It didn't end like I thought it would, nor like I had hoped. But here's to two more boys adding chaos and love to my wild ride of a life.

14 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, what a crazy process! I’d be annoyed at everyone at the Docs office for what you went through! I’m so sorry, but you clearly make the most amazing, healthy, adorable boys and you will be the ultimate queen in your house.

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  2. Oh girl. I’m glad that this process is over, at least! I know how ridiculous it was. Still can’t wait to meet those boys!

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  3. Girl I was screaming for you at the nurse, the doctor, the ATT lady... But man, penises all around.

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  4. Oh mama, I am sorry you went through all of that. I completely understand how you feel, I was dead set that my second was a girl and when we found out it was a boy, I basically mourned bc it wasn't a girl. I want a girl so bad but I am terrified of getting pregnant and finding out it's another boy. My heart can't take it lol but I agree, God gives you what you need.

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  5. oh my goodness, what an absolute headache! i can't believe that. i would be so cranky. i get really mad when people don't do what they are supposed to do and unfortunately take it out on the messenger sometimes. i'm glad you finally found out. i obviously do not understand what you are going through, though i've read things about people being disappointed in the sex after multiple children if they are hoping for a specific. i know people say as long as they are healthy but that doesn't help if you just want a daughter (or son). i've joked with KC that if we have 2 boys, i'm going to keep going till I get a girl. but obviously i am joking and at this rate, i'll be happy with a freaking human, regardless of sex.
    congrats again!

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  6. Oh man what a mess. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. I know you really wanted a girl but I know those boys will be so loved. And you’ll be queen of the house forever haha!

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  7. Well, sorry you went thru such confusion getting the correct results. The main thing is that you and the twins are healthy! I’m sure the boys are excited to have baby brothers coming their way! Happy for you all! Love the updates! Thanks for sharing❣️

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  8. Ok, those onsies are absolutely adorable! I don't even know which I prefer!

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  9. Oh well I have had some pregnancy ordeals...one where I was passed out on the ultrasound table because the Ultrasound tech was taking her sweet time and she had me laying completely flat with no leg or back support. I kept asking her to hurry up and she couldn't/wouldn't and I passed out and nurses came rushing in to help. I have two boys, not twins but boys have stolen my heart. I wanted a girl as well, but no such luck with me and I'm done having kids. Congrats on your twins!

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  11. What a harrowing experience. I’m sorry you’re not having a little girl, though. :(
    The onesies you picked up are so adorable!

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  12. Seriously? ��

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  13. I had a very similar experience! Pregnant whenever I want to be, my last twin pregnancy was a total suprise, then had 2 more boys for a total of 4! I always wanted a daughter but deep in my heart I look at my 4 & know I was meant to be the mama of boys.

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