An Uncomplicated Life Blog: How Kids Changed My Marriage

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Thursday, August 22, 2019

How Kids Changed My Marriage

Having children had a big impact on my relationship with my husband, and what love looked like for us then vs what it looks like for us now


This post is sponsored by Helzberg Diamonds but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

Funny story about how my husband and I started dating: I had to ASK him to ask me out! We had worked together for years; he was in a much greater position of power than me (he is, after all, 8 years older than me). When we started working together again in 2011, I was a mere associate and he was a vice president. He did in fact ask his boss at the time if he could ask me out, and got a resounding NO. So we were platonic work friends for a whole year before we started dating, going on random casual lunches, seeing each other at group happy hours. Then I switched jobs. Became single. Started texting with him. And basically had to spell it out for him to ask me out! Thankfully he did. Now, many years later and many children later, our love and the way we treat that love has changed. Kids definitely change a marriage, and this is how kids have changed my marriage.

Our Christmas card last year; 4 babies in 4 years!

In the beginning, there was tons of time. There was tons of money to do fun things. We pursued whatever interests we had and invited the other to join us so they could experience it with us. We were big on brunch on the weekends, after sleeping in until well past 10am, and trying out all the new hot spots. Minneapolis had a fantastic brunch scene! From the time we started dating to the time we left Minneapolis for Texas, I'd be we went out to brunch every single weekend. Every single one!

We were also big long distance runners. We regularly signed up for road races together and would get up early on a Saturday to run them. We'd go to professional football games (you'll still see my husband and kids decked out in Vikings gear even though we've been in Texas for some 6-7 years... We'll never convert to Cowboys fans!) and we'd plan fun, long weekend trips to cities we wanted to visit. Our first trip together is still my favorite trip I've ever been on; we spent four days in Carmel by the Sea and Big Sur, driving a convertible along the Pacific Coast Highway, checking out wineries, going on hikes and shopping in the cute resort town of Carmel.

Back when we were dating and child-free... Hubs brought me to an outdoor event. In Minneapolis. In January. He loved it, I froze

In the early days of our relationship and marriage, we got to do whatever we wanted. We had time to talk and to learn from each other. We had time to fulfill the other person's needs. I introduced him to vegetarian food (yes you CAN get full from it! You do not need meat with every meal!) and he absolutely showered me with gifts and wonderful trips and experiences.

Fast forward to our current life and things look much different! There are four boys running around, all under the age of five. Sleeping in until 10am doesn't happen anymore. Brunch is at 8:30am now, and consists of pancakes and eggs made at home, sometimes in the shape of Mickey Mouse or a snowman, topped with a bit of whipped cream. It's so early, in fact, that I can't even stomach food yet, and stick to coffee while all five of my boys (six if you include the scraps that fall to the floor for our dog, Otis...) eat so much food, I'm in awe of them all. I'll eat the cold leftovers (if there are any) from the fridge a few hours later. Oh, to have a hot brunch again at the leisurely hour of noon!

Living the fun engaged life, able to eat out and go out whenever we wanted

Intentional conversations of discovery between my husband and I rarely happen. We try to take 15-20 minutes after the kids have gone to bed to catch up each day, and inevitably the conversation turns to them. When you have young kids, your life indeed revolves around them because you're solely responsible for keeping them alive. My entire day is planned around their schedules and his entire day is planned to make enough money to fund those schedules

Kids changed my marriage because instead of being self centered or relationship centered, we're now family centered. While he used to surprise me with a random gift or we'd plan a trip together somewhere as a way to show love towards each other now looks different. Now it's me planning a home cooked meal the nights he's home early enough from work to eat with us. It's him getting up early with the kids so that I can sleep for another hour or two on the weekends. It's me ending my workday early to go and get our oldest son from kindergarten and it's him starting his extra early to drop him off in the morning. Our love went from simply showing one another our own interests to really coming together as a team to manage this team of children we've had!

Two kids deep, our Christmas card. Henry and Otto's little faces SLAY ME

That's the funny thing about your relationship after you've had kids. You tend to come together and gel even more as a couple because you HAVE to. You learn that love isn't just gifts and fun times; it's laughing about getting thrown up on and messy diaper changes and surviving tantrums. It's learning how to be a better parent from the other person, and how you love that other person MORE because they teach you something you didn't know before, or hadn't considered.


How has your love story changed throughout the years? We want to hear your "I Am Loved" stories! If you'd like to share, you can share a photo and finish this sentence, "I know I am loved because..." using the hashtag #IAmLovedContest on social media to be entered to win a $250 gift certificate to Helzberg Diamonds! Check out the rules and see your submission here. And you're welcome to visit a store and pick up a "I Am Loved" red pin (for free!) anytime to spread the love.

Two kids and a twin pregnancy later...

Love has changed drastically over the years for my husband and me. We used to be able to focus on ourselves, making sure the other person's needs were always met, introducing each other to our hobbies and traveling together. Now, we share funny stories of children; go to bed early and show love by getting up with the awake child in the middle of the night so the other person can sleep. While the early days of our love was fun, these years of self sacrifice are SO fulfilling. We have these little people that look like both of us (although, to be honest, mostly look like him with my coloring!) and who look up to us and rely on us. It's not easy work, but it's amazing work and we well know that not everyone is as blessed with a family as we are. Kids change a marriage, but in our opinion, it changes it for the better, it has grown our marriage into something truly beautiful and made us be better people, to each other and the world alike.  

5 comments:

  1. They will really be the focus until you guys get old. It may be hard but one thing I know it is worth it

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  2. Kids definitely can change your life. The good and the bad. But in the end, it's all worth it.

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  4. I love this so much. Thanks for sharing your journey! We have yet to have kids, so this is really eye-opening!

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