An Uncomplicated Life Blog: High Five for {Dallas Has The Worst Drivers} Friday!

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Friday, January 16, 2015

High Five for {Dallas Has The Worst Drivers} Friday!

Ahhh, the weekend. We're back home and I have no travel plans until the end of May. I'm slightly relieved by that! Airports are awful.

What is NOT relieving is being back home with insane Dallas drivers! I mean, has anyone gone to driver's ed in this town? Anyone...? In light of my straight up fear frustration with the drivers in this great city, I thought I would make a Friday Top 5 post about them.

You know, because I'm clearly not one of them ;)

Friday Top 5: Worst Kinds of Dallas Drivers

1) The Jacked-Up Truck driver: This dude doesn't care who is in front, behind, or to the side of him. He's bigger than you, he's faster than you, and he'll run you straight over. Odds are, there's a confederate flag in the back window... Or some hunting memorabilia (read: this dude has a shotgun with him.)

In Dallas, you either drive this monstrosity or a German import. Makes sense. Source


2) The Businessman In His BMW driver: He's on his phone. He's late. He's swerving. He's more important than you. He is BUSY. So, so very busy. Did I mention important? And wealthy? Who cares if he crashes his $90,000 ride, he'll buy a new one. Odds are, he's slightly intoxicated from that work-related happy hour, too.

"I'm so important, get out of my way I need to make more moneyyyyyyyyy!" Source


3) The Multitasking Mom driver: This woman has been driven to the brink of insanity by her children, so I almost give her a pass... Except she's texting while driving while yelling in the backseat while drinking coffee while driving with .5 of a hand. The only thing she ISN'T doing is staying in her lane. Put down that latte mama, I don't care to get side-swiped today!

 
The woman who does all this while driving is a HAZZARD and she's regularly on the road in Dallas... Source


4) The Semi-Truck driver: Here's the thing. We here in Dallas have European-ly narrow roads so that we can cram as many lanes on the road as possible. Even if you're a "good" semi-truck driver, the lane just isn't big enough for you. Alas, you can't drive in two lanes, so you just swerve from side to side of which additional lane you're going to take. Driving next to you is impossible, and driving behind you is frightening.

What semis look like trying to squeeze into the narrow lanes on Dallas roads. Source


5) The Luxury Vehicle Socialite driver: This girl is who the Multitasking Mom driver *used* to be in her glory days. She's applying lip gloss. She's tweeting about how she "just can't even" with traffic right now. She's taking an Instagram duck-face selfie, or worse yet, a pic of her Starbucks latte near the steering wheel juuuuuuust to get the Benz symbol in the shot, too. "PSL's are out now, y'all!" Odds are 97% that this basic chick will rear end you keeping up with her social media.

Yes, it's "that" girl. She's the worst Dallas driver yet. Source

I hope you enjoyed the Cliff Notes version of what it's like to drive in the great city of Dallas. As always, I'm linking up with my girl Amanda, Karli and Natasha for our fabulous Friday link up!

Now go enjoy your weekend.


30 comments:

  1. I'm snort laughing in my office.
    All of those are so true.

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    1. Aren't you so excited to be able to experience them this weekend?! Wear your seat belt. And maybe a helmet?

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  2. lol i am so glad i don't live in dallas ;) the drivers in sydney used to drive me bonkers, kentucky isn't as bad though we do have plenty of the jacked up trucks and mini van multitasking moms! i can't stand when i see people texting! if you want to text and drive, you need to be proficient at it ie one hand, down near your lap - not two hands in front of your face so you aren't paying attention. i don't condone texting and driving but i just can't stand the idiots!

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    1. Oh, i drove through KY when I was moving from Minneapolis to Savannah, GA and heck yes there were some jacked up trucks there! I remember a hillbilly leaning out of his window to holler at me. God love the American South, right?!

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  3. OMG i love the way you labeled these people!!! We have some pretty terrible drivers in Boston too..hence MassHoles!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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    1. Ohhhh, yeah, my sis lived in Boston for 10 years - y'all are nuts. The difference is that we have space to really pick up some good speed - enough to regularly flip cars/SUV's on side roads when there's a wreck! In Boston, it's much more condensed, so you'll end up in a fender bender with a bunch of honking!

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  4. I'm dying. Oh my gosh this is awesome Paige! A girl I grew up with just moved to Dallas a few months ago and she is always posting about the terrible drivers down there. We have some bad drivers up here in Seattle, but I didn't realize how bad they are down there.
    Have a great weekend!

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    1. I have lived in five major cities as an adult, and have visited most states. Nowhere, I mean nowhere, are the drivers as bad and aggressive and have blatant disregard for the rules of the road as here in Dallas. It's mind blowing!

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  5. Agree....times five! You nailed it with this one!

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    1. Thank you! It's really just shocking what these idiots do here.

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  6. It's crazy that all those PSAs about texting and driving are targeted at teens because I swear, the majority of people I see doing it are adults who should seriously know better! Not that I'm Miss Perfect on the road but geez, some people (like many of the people you described) act like texting/tweeting/instagramming is the primary activity while driving is the secondary activity….

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    1. Tracy, I have to agree! If you look over to the car in the next lane, odds are about 75% that you'll see them on their phone. And not just at a red light (I'm guilty of red light phone usage...) Get off your phones and drive, people!

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  7. She just can't even with traffic right now...LOL. literally laughing out loud imaging you saying this with possibly an eye roll? Love this Friday post! Glad you made it back safe. Have a great weekend!! x

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    1. Haha, I know you read that in the voice I intended it in! It's not a typical female voice... It has a whole other level of obnoxious to it! lol :)

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  8. I literally this morning was screaming at drivers thinking to myself I should do a blog post about the crazy drivers. This morning the woman was clogging up a lane I finally sped by her and her cat was like all up on her hugging her and she was talking to it. WTF?????? I swear everyday something ceases to amaze me......

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    1. I would say the drivers I encountered while in Miami would take second to Dallas... Even LA and NYC don't come close to our terrible level! And a cat?! WTH is a cat doing in a car, on someone's lap?

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  9. I just died.... this post covers every single driver I've encountered today and I'm in PA. As in NOT EVEN close to Texas!

    Thanks for the laugh!!

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    1. I knew folks in other cities could appreciate this kind of post too! Bad drivers are everywhere, with a disproportionate amount of them residing in Dallas. Do you have jacked up trucks that far North? I think that's a bad driver unique to the South... :)

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  10. Bwahahaha this was amaze balls.. Vancouver (particularly Richmond) is known for bad drivers.. Rather than the redneck truck driver, we have the idiots who have summer tires in winter snow causing accidents all over the roads as they cant drive. Oh and our freeways have 4 lanes each way IF you are lucky - so accidents cause they worst traffic jams :'(

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    1. Four lanes?! Sheesh, they're building one in Dallas with seven lanes each way, and two tiers - an additional level of seven lanes for express pass payers. And our traffic is still bad! But with our drivers the way they are, we have accidents everywhere all the time, so I feel you on those traffic jams girl!

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  11. This was simple the most funniest post!!!!! I live in VA and this is basically every driver on the road especially the Jacked up Truck driver and lawd if he doesnt have a confederate flag and a gun!!!! We have a lot of hunters where we live lol!!! This was tooo funny! Great post!

    Jasmine :)
    colorubold.blogspot.com

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    1. Girl, you already know each and every jacked up truck has a loaded gun in it! Wheweee, those folks are cray cray.

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  12. LOL! These are hysterical. At first I was "OH NO! But these are very VERY true!" I live in uptown so I am very familiar with these drivers.

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    1. Oh yeah, Uptown has a lot of the businessmen and the socialites! Yuck. Up in Lake Highlands we get a lot of the multitasking moms... And we all get run over from the jacked up trucks!

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  13. Replies
    1. Haha, thanks! I just *had* to write it. I fear for my life nearly every day.

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  14. This post is the exact reason that I keep my butt on this side of the Trinity River. Every time I have to drive to Dallas from Fort Worth (which is rare), I nearly have a panic attack trying to make it out alive. My husband and I had to go to a warehouse near downtown last month. We brought a whole new meaning to the phrase 'white knuckle'. =)

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    1. Are the drivers better over in Ft Worth?! I've only been over that way about five times... Ever. Just add that to the list of why that's the better side of town!

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  15. LOL! For some reason the socialite seems like she is so common these days :(.
    My husband drives a BMW, is a businessman, is busy etc. But he is actually nice and not as crazy as that one!

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    1. Oh, she's super common these days! It's horrific. And I have to say, my husband could be the businessman driver on some days... He didn't inspire that stereotype, but I've seen him come in the door, raging mad! My apologies to other drivers in advance for him on those rough days ;)

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