An Uncomplicated Life Blog: What I Think When

Monday, November 28, 2016

What I Think When

Real thoughts on real life situations

I've been riding in the front seat of the struggle bus for blog post ideas lately. Normally, I have a running list of about 10 topics that I can write about and I'm thrilled to sit down to write about any of them. But I just haven't had it in me lately. I blame Instagram - that thing is a tremendous amount of work! Now I understand why people ditch their blogs and just run social media accounts. Anywhoo, so I was reading a mom blog group page when I saw they had 101 ideas for mommy blogger posts. I came across this idea and thought it was clever! I don't know about you, but my brain is ALWAYS running a thousand miles a minute. A lot of what I think is wildly inappropriate. So here's a little glimpse into what I think, in various day to day situations.

What I think when...

I drop my kid off at preschool:
"My kid is f*&#$ing so kicka$$! He's the most confident one in the room. Never cries. Follows directions. What a little peach of a toddler, that boy! But ugh... That doesn't mean I want to keep him home with me today. I've got five hours of freedommmmmmm!"

Who wants freedom from this face? I do.

I'm standing in line at the grocery store checkout:
"That person just spent $40 on six containers of coconut water. What the hell is the matter with them? Who likes coconut water that much? Then there's that person in the next line, buying vegan cookies. With some eggs, so you know she's not a vegan. I wonder if she knows that a vegan cookie is just as unhealthy as a regular cookie? Like, you're not going to stay thinner eating that crap just because there's no dairy in it, sweetheart."

I'm stopped at a red light:
"Why isn't there a decent song on the radio?! Ok, let me check Instagram real quick. Oh that's a cute pic! I wanna comment on it... Dangit, light's green, I'll comment at the next light."

I'm cooking dinner:
"I wonder if Henry will eat any of this? Probably not. I'll just give it all to Otto, bless his little heart. He's the only reason I even attempt to cook dinner. I bet he shovels this in his face with both fists! Ugh, why is my toddler such a pain in the rump?" *Note the contrast from preschool drop off

Otto has a judgey face, but he eats without discretion.

I first wake up in the morning:
"No. Noooooooooo! No. It's too early. Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

I've poured my third glass of wine on a Tuesday night:
"I changed three poopy diapers in 45 minutes and only got a little bit on my knuckle. Cheers to meeeeeeee, world's fastest poopy diaper changer! God, why do my kids poop so much? Why can't they poop for daddy?"
6am on Wednesday morning:
"Good Lord, why did I think three glasses of wine were necessary last night?! Whyyyyyy? I hope my husband made the coffee strong today. Poor decisions, Paige. Poor decisions."

11am on Wednesday morning:
"Whew, just sweated out all that wine in hot yoga! I only got the spins once. Aaaaaaaand, I'm back!"

11:15 on Wednesday morning:
"Crap I spent all my time in yoga. Now I have three hours to do eight hours of work before I go get Henry from school. Why does my laptop need an update right NOW? Ugh! Technology, you're garbage."

1:45 on Wednesday afternoon:
"Dang, I just got a whole blog post written, edited and photographed. Whoohoo! Crap, Otto has a poopy diaper and we needed to leave the house five minutes ago to get Henry from school! Why do these kids always poop when we need to leave the house? Ugh, poop, whyyyyyyy?"

2:02 on Wednesday afternoon:
"Made it just in time! Hey Henry!" *Henry runs to me with his arms wide open for a hug and kisses his brother on the forehead* "Omg, my kids are the best! Henry, you're the best big brother. Ugh, my heart is exploding!"

2:15 on Wednesday afternoon:
*Sniffs air* "Henry, did you just poop? Damnit, why can't you poop at preschool? Or wait until your daddy comes home? Why do I always get the poopy diapers?! Oh man, Otto, you pooped again too? WHY. Is it too early to pour a glass of wine? Oh yeah, it's not even three yet, that's way too early."

What I look like when I actually get a shower.

When my husband comes home from work at a decent hour:
"I know I should cook dinner, but can you watch the kids so I can shower? I haven't showered in four days. There's a forest growing in my armpits. I even embarrassed myself at yoga today."

When I get to take a shower:
"Ahhhhhhhh. I should do this more often. Except Henry would crack his head open jumping off the bed and Otto would stick his finger in an outlet, so looks like I lose."


  1. I love this post and think you should write it more often. I just spit my coffee out with the only got poop on my knuckles comment, hilarious. I keep a mini razor in my barre bag.....yeah I totally know all about that :)

  2. I love this post idea! Most of what I think is wildly inappropriate as well. And EJ always poops in the car. It's like he gets in and relaxes just enough to let it go.

  3. LOL! I love your comment about your kid! Haha. I've been riding the struggle bus lately on blog post ideas as well, and it seems that other bloggers have been writing about blogger's block. Just must be a slump for everyone! And I totally relate with the red light thing. THE. worst. Especially with my hour commute, it's so tempting to be on my phone when I know I shouldn't.

  4. Reading through your post reminds me of when my kids were little. Some moms cried when their kids went to school. Nope not me.

  5. Reading this made me smile. These are things we all think at times. Who spends $40 bucks on coconut water! Whoa lol

  6. You are so funny! And your brood totally adorable. I can totally relate to the "pooping" part!

  7. I sense a theme here, shall we say POOP! Oh I feel you sister, I cannot relate BUT I feel you. *hugs* ;)

  8. I definitely feel you on the blog post ideas. Or, I come up with brilliant ideas but then the season or holiday is over and I never got around to doing the project to post about it... happens all the time.
    Also, my exact thoughts when I first wake up and when I'm at the grocery store! My brother in law spends that much on coconut water - he's obsessed. Me on the other hand, think it tastes pretty gross.

  9. Love this! You should def write more posts like it :)

  10. hahahaha this is amazing! you are my spirit animal and i say these things to myself like 5 times a day! move to atlanta already will you?

  11. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This post was the best. I can't imagine all the poopy diapers gah.

  12. ahahaha I love this post!!!! way to good

  13. Paige, you crack me up! I love this! And can we start texting because I need your thoughts like this in my day? And yes to the poopy diapers--try cloth ones. Seriously, thank god Jack is off of blueberries. And yes, B now only eats meat and fruit, oh and sometimes bread. WHY? She used to be such a great eater. And Jack, well, he is starting to have opinions and throwing his food he doesn't like. Seriously all the wine is necessary ;) xoxo

  14. Hahahahaha I loved this. I count myself pretty lucky that I get in on these thoughts fairly regularly. ;)

    Also, I think we need to talk. Since when is 3 pm too early for wine?

  15. You are too funny! Brought a smile to my face. I laughed out loud reading your thoughts. You are saying things that many people are thinking. Way to go!