An Uncomplicated Life Blog: Current Snarky Confessions

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Current Snarky Confessions

If I were Catholic, this would be my Thursday confessional of impure thoughts


It's been ages since we just sat and caught up, no? That's somewhat intentional because my monthly bump dates are pretty close to my current thoughts and happenings. If you haven't read those, even if you're not pregnant or a man or don't care, they might amuse you, so check them out here and here. This post, however, is dedicated to all the impure thoughts I've had recently - the judgmental, the snarky, the not so nice stuff - you know, the kind you need to confess to and seek forgiveness. Read at your own risk of being offended. Or amused, if you're well adjusted and know how to properly let things go.

Is there anything worse than when your manicurist leaves your nails too long?! I get dips, so my nails don't break or chip, they simply grow out until I get a new color put on. If they're left too long, they turn into straight up CLAWS. I spent most of last week struggling to use my phone and typing on my laptop, they were such eagle-like-daggers. First world problems? Sure, but I paid $47 for this vampire botch job mani, so I'll cry about it if I friggin want to. And suck your blood if you're rolling your eyes at me right now. Better sleep with one eye open, cause these nails can kill.


The Target maternity tank I bought that will fit me for maybe one more week. I sized up.

The inability of clothing manufacturers to consistently size women's clothing the same blows my mind. Bought two new tanks at Target. Bought a sundress from the same designer. The sundress was an XS and too big for me, the tanks were S and too tight. I know it's crappy and cheap Target clothes, but seriously! Can they not do their job right? Can they not cut patterns correctly from cloth? Do they secretly get enjoyment from pissing women off with all these weird sizes?

What is with pregnant women comparing their gestational diabetes tests to the likes of facing a dang firing squad?! It's not that bad, it's not that hard, you chug a drink that tastes like off-brand Powerade and get pricked by a needle. Settle the heck down. It's nothing compared to birth.  It's nothing compared to when things *actually* go medically wrong in your pregnancy. You don't even have to fast anymore. You literally just have to chug a drink and get pricked by one needle. That's it. One thing pregnant women are known to do is taking advantage of every "opportunity" for special treatment they can get (myself included here - I feel like I can say this as a current pregnant woman!) and they're taking full advantage of complaining about this test. Eye roll. So hard.


How we roll when it's super hot out. And by super hot, I mean well over 100 degrees.

I can't help but laugh when I see people up north complaining about 90 degrees. I haven't felt air that cool since May! Heat warnings for a mere 90 degrees? I mean, for real? I don't even run my car AC for 90 degrees. That's windows down kinda weather! For the record, I think the same thing when I see people freaking out in Texas over 30 degrees, all decked out in every single piece of winter gear they own. Except at 30 degrees, your pipes can burst and destroy your home, your landscaping can get destroyed to the tune of thousands of dollars and if there's ice on the road, you're not going anywhere... But 90 degrees? Sounds like a pleasant day to me! Pour yourself a lemonade and get outside and enjoy it. And know that everyone across the South, but especially in the Southwest, has daggers in their eyes at your "heat advisory" and "heat index" nonsense.


Gimme all the pumpkins! Cannot wait to decorate and do all the fall things.

I will absolutely not apologize for starting to get excited for all things fall. Yes, it's July. But bloggers run on retail calendar, so this means I can already start to plan and pin and schedule fall content, and it gets me SO EXCITED. Frankly, thinking about and creating fall content in the hellish months of Texas summer make this place bearable! Don't like it? Stay off Pinterest and out of any and all retail stores until you're ready to face the coming season! I'm happy as a clam over here planning my fall content. In July. Not even sorry a little bit. I cannot WAIT to pull out my seasonal decorations and get this party started! Also, does this paragraph makes sense immediately after a paragraph telling people to stop complaining about heat? Meh, probably not, but I thought it was funny.

9 comments:

  1. Ha!! I feel the same way when I see people complain about 90 degrees. I’m like, look... I live in the desert and I grew up in the Texas humidity. Both 90+ temps. Also, 9 months pregnant so — I win. 😂😂

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  2. Haha people in WA complain about anything over 85. But I’ll never complain about it being too cold.
    Although now that we’re moving to the hot part of the state I’ll need to get used to the 90+ temps.

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  3. I never understood the drama surrounding the diabetes drink- it tastes like the liquid left over from freeze pops. I think everyone is excited for fall, who wouldnt be!?

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  4. The test is not bad at all. And yes, people quite complaining. I do not even like to complain and I live here.

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  5. I LOVE too hot...It is my thing! But please do not hurry Fall...I love it too but you know how that goes in PA? We have three days of Fall and then the snow starts so I will happily stay here in the 90 degree range! HA - hugs!

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  6. So much fun! I can't believe we have to plan for Fall already!

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  7. I'm pregnant in Texas... sweating my butt off! Can't wait for this little guy to make his appearance.

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  9. I hate it when people complain about the hot weather. It's way better than having 3ft of snow in my opinion. I wish the weather would just stay 90 degrees all year around for that matter.

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