An Uncomplicated Life Blog: "I Don't" Mom Culture

Thursday, September 19, 2019

"I Don't" Mom Culture

There's a new trend in mom culture, listing all the things you "don't do" with pride. Here's why I think it needs to change.


Typically, I write my blog posts out weeks in advance. I have my month entirely planned out, and usually half the next month too, in terms of content. But if you've been watching my IG stories, you know we got utterly taken out by a tummy bug (some of us twice!) and it's thrown off everything, so here I am writing this post the week it goes up. Interestingly enough, in the time I brainstormed it, asked y'all in last Thursday's post if I should actually write it and had the chance to sit down and write it, my perspective on the whole thing has changed! Not my opinion, but my perspective. What was going to be a fairly strong worded post on "I Don't" mom culture (if you haven't heard of that yet, I'll explain below) is now, hopefully, going to be more encouraging as opposed to scathing. I've actually been reading some of my old posts and thinking, "Jeez Paige, that was a little strong worded... If people didn't know you personally, they'd think you're a real jerk!" So! While I will share my thoughts on "I Don't" mom culture, because it's still me here, I also want to share the weird/divine interventions that have inspired me to change my tone.


First, let's talk about "I Don't" mom culture. I guess on one of the bigger, collaborative mom blogs in Australia (think similar to Scary Mommy, Her View From Home, etc that we have here in the U.S.) there was a post from a mom blogger who started the "I Don't" list. I think she probably had good intentions. It was a way for moms to vent about how they don't do it all - they don't cook from scratch every night after working all day, they don't have tidy homes, they don't limit their children's screen times, and so on. It was a post intended to laugh and bond over some of our shortcomings or imperfections or what-have-you's about motherhood. Here's a link to the post. It was shared in multiple mom groups I'm in, from local to international, and the thread of comments from women who loved this idea was expansive. Hundreds upon hundreds of women chimed in, proudly displaying what they "don't do" as moms/wives/caretakers/spouses/etc.

So that's "I Don't" mom culture. And I'm going to tell you exactly what I think about it and how it's failing us as women. But first (well, secondly at this point) the divine intervention! I knew if I laid out all my thoughts as passionately as I felt them, I'd get burned at the cross by other moms for it. It'd come across as judgmental, snarky, a know-it-all, and a do-it-all post. I went to lunch with a friend whom I haven't seen in several years a bit ago, and we talked about it. She wants to start a Christian blog with an unconventional twist, so we were talking all things blogging as I shared my idea with her. 

She listened to my ideas and thoughts on the topic and said she agreed - there was a lot of truth in what I had to say. But she suggested that instead of just criticizing the "movement" (should we even call it that?) that perhaps I should use it as a way to encourage moms to do better. To say, hey it's ok to not do everything perfectly, or as we "should" do it, but instead of giving ourselves a virtual high five for all the things we DON'T do, lets change the narrative to ways we can help each other. I loved that!

It's now Sunday and I'm sitting down to write this post that goes up Thursday (like I said, I'm way behind from this tummy bug!) Every Sunday morning I do a devotional from this book and this book (both take less than 2 minutes and are seriously LIFE CHANGING! I'm not religious so much as I am spiritual, although I was baptized and raised Christian, and I highly suggest getting them. $10 or less each and they're both BEAUTIFUL books to boot, full of encouraging and beautiful thoughts) and the topic of the day's post was judgment. I laughed as I read the title because I was just about to sit down and write this post! Anyhow, this passage really struck me: "But we have a tendency to see someone else's sin before we see our own... We never know how far someone has come, and we're not always sure what another family is going through. As moms, we need to be careful of thinking that the way we do things is the only way to do things. Instead, we need to walk humbly with one another and always extend grace, remembering how much we ourselves are in need of it."


Boom. The older I get, the more I see how much God is trying to talk to me and my heart, everyday. It's always right there in front of my face, I just have to choose to see it.

I don't think there's any inherent harm in "bonding" over shortcomings as moms. I know I've definitely spoken with a mom friend and talked about how I made a nasty dinner (burned it, recipe fail, doesn't matter!) and she's responded with a similar story. I've confessed to friends about how I wasn't proud of the way I disciplined one of my children before. I feel like talking about the ways in which we make mistakes as parents is normal and healthy. It's a way for us as moms to confess, process and move on with them.

But this movement isn't that. If it was intended as that, it's morphed into something else. 

It's almost like a competition to see which mom doesn't do even some of the most basic parenting. I can't tell you how many moms replied that they didn't limit screen time at ALL, that they fed their kids fast food most days of the week and that their houses were a disastrous mess. Newsflash: you're child isn't getting any smarter staring at that screen (probably while you stare at yours...), fast food has no nutrition in it, not to mention all the preservatives and chemicals that make it not even real food (oh, and the sodium and high calorie count...) and while my home isn't always perfect (there's toys all over the floor as I write this) who wants to live in filth?!

As parents, it's our job to instill good habits and behavior in our kids, and I don't get how any of those things are doing that. WE are the ones who need to set boundaries. WE are the ones that need to encourage physical and imaginative play for brain and muscle development. WE control what our children eat and the nutrition they (do or don't) get. WE control our home's environment, and have the power to assign chores so that we don't have to do it alone.

The internet emboldens people. They say things online they'd never have the courage to say to someone's face. And this "I Don't" mom culture is a bizarre way to brag about how you're a crappy mom. Nobody expects perfection! My kids had grilled cheese and tator tots last week from a local greasy spoon/fast food type spot. But it's one thing to occasionally do these things and it's another to have it be your lifestyle. A lifestyle that you brag about online. It's not brag worthy to live that lifestyle.

Speaking of "mom culture" I wrote this post earlier this year on some other bizarre things that are cool with moms that I simply don't identify or agree with if you want to check it out. 

I'd love to switch the "I Don't" mom culture to "I Didn't" so that it's not a lifestyle of things we don't do, but hey - something I didn't do today but I'll try again tomorrow. I fed my kids fast food last Thursday (after I had been up the whole night with sick kids) so I DIDN'T cook that night; but Friday I defrosted some homemade bone broth chicken soup and baked biscuits! Isn't that a much better narrative to tell? I didn't that one day, but dangit, I'm going to try again tomorrow! I feel like "I Didn't" gives us the room for grace on the bad days, but encourages us to try again the next day. It doesn't let us ingrain bad habits into our lifestyle with a flippant "oh well!" I'd love to see the negativity of the "I Don't" mom lists switched to an "I Didn't" with encouragement from other moms that tomorrow is a new day.

40 comments:

  1. I agree with you on this I Don’t notion and culture. It’s one thing to have a network to support you during moments of “donts” and loving you with your shortcomings- and we need to give ourselves grace, but that doesn’t mean celebrating the weaknesses and never striving to change.

    ReplyDelete
  2. your idea is so great! I very like it! thank for sharing with us!

    ReplyDelete
  3. INSTANT LOAN OFFER

    My company is offering Personal Business loan We stand apart from other lenders because we believe in customer service just 2% interest rate We Offer all types of Finance loan
    I'll advise you can contact us
    abdullahibrahimlender@gmail.com
    whatspp Number +918929490461
    Mr Ibrahim

    ReplyDelete
  4. i absolutely adore it every time human beings come collectively and proportion perspectives. high-quality weblog, keep it up! https://pvamart.com/buy-old-gmail-accounts-and-aged-gmail-accounts/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great job for publishing such a nice article. Your article isn’t only useful but it is additionally really informative. Thank you because you have been willing to share information with us. and if anyone want to buy Old Gmail accounts in bulk,then visit bulkpvastore.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is another testimony on how Chief Dr Lucky cured my HIV disease. Do you need a cure for your HIV disease? Do you want to be cured from your cancer disease? Or you want to be free from any type of disease. Kindly visit https://chiefdrluckyherbaltherapy.wordpress.com/ . He just cured my HIV disease and I’m very grateful to him, he is the only herbalist that can cure you.
    WhatsApp number : +2348132777335
    Via Email : chiefdrlucky@gmail.com
    Thank you all for reading,
    God bless"

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was a HIV-AIDS patient and I got it from cheating on my wife. It was sort of a payback but a week later I was told by a friend that the person who I cheated with had the HIV-AIDS virus and did not tell me. I was so stupid by not using a condom I thought since he was an old school friend he was trustworthy. But I was wrong. I cried and cried. Two days later, I got a phone call from my friend and he told me about a person who is known by another friend, who can help me. I could not let my wife know what I was going through. I finally got his email address: oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com and I emailed this man my story and he replied me immediately saying i should be calm and told me that everything will be OK. I could not come to terms with what I was hearing but then I concluded it did not matter because I was so broken I just needed help. I was going out of my mind literally. I was confused with what he was telling me, but I listened. He told me about some materials i need to buy that he needed to cast the spell and I said OK. I bought the materials to him, I sent down my picture to him and my positive result sheet and he replied me that i am going to be negative under 3days. I message Him every 2hours for 2day and I knew he thought that I was crazy but I did care I needed a shoulder. Behold, the third day he messaged me i should go for a test that i will be negative. My marriage could be broken because of a stupid mistake and my life was on the line. I remembered when I was going to get the results of my re-test I called him up again and told him that I was going to get my results today and his reply was “so" and that everything will be as he explained. I knew then that he was getting tired of me calling him, maybe I was wrong. Well I got my results and the first person I called was him - again. As he said hello I started to cry and cry. I could not believe it. I was given a second chance in life.This man is a great spiritual HIV/AIDS healer, his healing spell on aids healing is very powerful .please brothers and sister, contact Dr Ose oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com
    whatsapp +2348136482342

    ReplyDelete
  8. The Gaming Club Casino also offers auction services to members, a sign-up bonus and cash
    gratuities available to players and club members alike.
    After the player receiving this bonus, these casinos
    offer other bonuses for future deposits. These
    players will be provided incentives for upcoming deposits that happen to be their casino accounts.오피사이트

    ReplyDelete
  9. https://www.omgab.com 우리카지노사이트
    https://www.omgab.com/theking 더킹카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/sands 샌즈카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/first 퍼스트카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/yes 예스카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/super 슈퍼카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/gatsby 개츠비카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/33 33카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/world 월드카지노
    https://www.omgab.com/merit 메리트카지노

    ReplyDelete
  10. https://www.bbdd66.com 우리카지노사이트
    https://www.bbdd66.com/theking 더킹카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/sands 샌즈카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/first 퍼스트카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/yes 예스카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/super 슈퍼카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/gatsby 개츠비카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/33 33카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/world 월드카지노
    https://www.bbdd66.com/merit 메리트카지노

    ReplyDelete
  11. https://www.omcyy.com 우리카지노사이트
    https://www.omcyy.com/thekingcasino 더킹카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/sandscasino 샌즈카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/firstcasino 퍼스트카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/yescasino 예스카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/supercasino 슈퍼카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/gatsbycasino 개츠비카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/33casino 33카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/worldcasino 월드카지노
    https://www.omcyy.com/merit 메리트카지노

    ReplyDelete
  12. https://www.omgka.com 우리카지노사이트
    https://www.omgka.com/theking 더킹카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/sands 샌즈카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/first 퍼스트카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/yes 예스카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/super 슈퍼카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/gatsby 개츠비카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/33 33카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/world 월드카지노
    https://www.omgka.com/merit 메리트카지노

    ReplyDelete
  13. Good day! I could have sworn I've been to this website
    before but after reading through some of the post I realized it's new
    to me. Nonetheless, I'm definitely glad I found it and I'll be bookmarking and checking
    back frequently! 카지노사이트
    (mm)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am not really wonderful with English but I get hold this really leisurely to interpret.

    My webpage:오피월드


    argent

    ReplyDelete
  15. Social media marketing is currently the most important way to express your business to your customers. Due to recent pandemic situation, the world has changed digitally, for this purpose social media accounts are really necessary. And we recommend you to buy Facebook, Instagram, Twitter Pinterest Google accounts from us at very affordable and reasonable price. Thanks! buy gmail pva accounts bulk https://securepva.com/buy-gmail-accounts-in-bulk/

    ReplyDelete
  16. Take a look at all these interesting washi tape crafts, you can custom washi tape to create a stylish wallet, interesting boxes, and some photography props.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for sharing such great knowledge with us. Looking for some more information from your blog.

    스포츠토토탑

    ReplyDelete
  18. Great job. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful site! Kindly visit my website 바카라사이트

    ReplyDelete
  19. I really happy found knew this website it very informative. 바둑이사이트넷

    ReplyDelete
  20. This is one of the best website I have seen in a long time thank you so much, thank you for let me share this website to all my friends. 슬롯머신

    ReplyDelete
  21. Continue accomplishing this expert work, extremely intriguing article. I can envision the energy and time you have contributed on this strong blend of words. Many articles I run over these days don't actually plunge this profound to make it clear to crowd as you did. Be that as it may, accept me the manner in which you cooperate is in a real sense 100 percent great. I will quickly get your rss channel to remain educated regarding any updates you make on your blog, too exploit to tell the universe of the uplifting news

    THE NEWLY PROGRAM FAKE PASSPORTS AND DRIVER’S LICENSE WORLDWIDE NOW

    which many people are ignorant of since it can not be detected as fake with naked eyes. This will help people to know the differences between the real passport and other related documents on and offline when you come across one. Not over demanding, I will also take the advantage to ask for your permission to join our 179.3k members TELEGRAM GROUP
    to share with us your ideas or any latest update on your blog.
    Thanks I am Scott from Globex, we are expecting you on our platform.

    ReplyDelete
  22. this is unbelievable, it is my first time to be carried away by such a high profile article, I will immediately contact you directly and also to take the advantage to share some latest information about BUY FRENCH PASSPORTS ONLINE

    ReplyDelete
  23. Definitely worth bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much effort you put to make such a wonderful informative site.

    스포츠토토

    ReplyDelete
  24. I no uncertainty esteeming each and every bit of it. It is an amazing site and superior to anything normal give. I need to grateful. Marvelous work! Every one of you complete an unfathomable blog, and have some extraordinary substance. Keep doing stunning 메이저사이트순위

    ReplyDelete
  25. Howdy terrific blog! Does running a blog like this take a massive amount work? I have virtually no understanding of coding however I had been hoping to start my
    own blog soon. 토토

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow, fantastic weblog structure! How long have you evver been running a blog for?
    you made blogging look easy. The total glance of our web site is magnificent, as well as the content! 토토사이트

    ReplyDelete
  27. I actually can´t help activities here. Thank you for time properly spent looking over this article. I can´t bear in mind the last moment I´ve bookmarked anything. 먹튀검증

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have been browsing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It's pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before

    ReplyDelete
  29. Nice information, you write very nice articles, I visit your website for regular updates. 스포츠토토

    ReplyDelete
  30. This is my first time go to see at here and i am really happy to read everything at single place. 경마사이트

    ReplyDelete
  31. Great article post.Really looking forward to read more. 릴게임

    ReplyDelete
  32. This website and I conceive this internet site is really informative ! Keep on putting up! 스포츠토토

    ReplyDelete
  33. Its an amazing website, I really enjoy reading your articles.
    바카라사이트

    ReplyDelete
  34. Your blog is really nice and sound really good
    카지노사이트

    ReplyDelete
  35. I feel strongly about it and really enjoyed learning more about this topic.
    바카라사이트

    ReplyDelete
  36. I think this article has a lot of information needed, looking forward to your new posts.
    온라인카지노

    ReplyDelete
  37. Yeah, The information you shared in this blog is very informative and useful to. Your efforts are so appreciable . Keep sharing like this. If you want interesting stuff visit our websiteBuy Bulk Gmail Accounts

    ReplyDelete
  38. Buy Bulk Gmail Accounts : This is the best place to buy Bulk Gmail Accounts. In our shops all types of google accounts and social media accounts available All are USA based accounts. we are given instant delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Buy Google Reviews will help you to boosting your business. If you want to increase your business then this the right place.We are providing high quality google reviews . Please visit our website :
    Buy Google Reviews

    ReplyDelete