An Uncomplicated Life Blog: Answers To The Rudest Pregnancy Questions I've Ever Gotten

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Answers To The Rudest Pregnancy Questions I've Ever Gotten

People ask pregnant women all kinds of bizarre, highly personal and borderline inappropriate questions. I'm answering ALL of them in this post!


Let me be clear real quick - I don't think there's such a thing as a rude question. I don't think there's some magical list of "things you shouldn't say" or "things you shouldn't ask" a pregnant woman. I find myself eye-rolling so hard at those lists! Why? Because people are simply interested in you! They're interested in your baby! They actually care enough to say something or ask! If you're offended, that's some sort of issue within yourself you've got to work out, not add to a list of things people are magically supposed to know triggers you in someway. Ok, quick rant over. Being pregnant with twins means I've gotten all kinds of questions, many of them personal. Instead of getting offended and wondering why anyone is asking me such a thing, I'm using this post to tell all y'all all about it. Read on for answers to the 'rudest' pregnancy questions I've ever gotten and laugh right along with me.


So did you do IVF or do twins run in your family? 
Neither! My mom told me that her paternal grandfather had a set of twins, but that's crossing the maternal line which is what matters when it comes to genetically assessing likelihood of twins. That was also many decades ago, and nobody had them since. We did no fertility treatments whatsoever to conceive any of our children. I get pregnant quickly, so it's never even been something I've had to think of or look into.

I've always wanted twins! What fertility meds were you on so I can talk to my doctor about it?
Not only did we NOT do IVF, I've never taken a fertility drug in my life. I had just turned 33 when I conceived the twins, don't have a family history of twins, and don't know why I was the one to beat all the odds of magically, naturally getting them, but here I am! You CAN rub my belly for good luck if you want, though. I don't mind belly touches. I also might judge the mental stability of anyone who says they WANT twins... Do you know how much work this is and is going to be? Bless your heart!


Big mama and only getting bigger: the story of a twin pregnancy


You're going to have FOUR BOYS? OMG, I'm so sorry - what are you going to do?!
I'd imagine I'm going to do what I do everyday... Wake up and take care of children, drop half of them off at preschool, make sure the other two are ok with my part time nanny, work for a few hours and get a workout in, pick the other two up from school, and spend afternoons with all four of them. Would it be different if vaginas were involved instead of penises? Is there *something* that can be done about it? Unless you're coming over to help, take your pity party and shove it. Some people never get to have their own kids, and I easily got four, healthy babies of my own. I'm not sorry about that at all. 

Are you all covered in stretch marks?! Is this pregnancy the worst thing ever?!
Nope, I don't have a single stretch mark. Yet, anyway, I guess they might be coming? I didn't get any with my first two either, and my sister didn't get them, nor did my mom. Having twins isn't a mandatory sentence to having your body destroyed! And the pregnancy, while MUCH harder than a singleton, hasn't been totally horrific. All the way to 27 weeks I was comfortable and happy. These last few weeks are, um, getting real though.

Is it twice as hard being pregnant with twins?
It's not twice as hard being pregnant with twins... It's exponentially more hard. The best analogy I have is this: Ever run a half and a full marathon? Running a half is hard, for sure. But running a full marathon? Exponentially more challenging! It's because you double the miles after you've already run the length of race you've done before. With twins, I'm doubling the baby. Right as most pregnant women start to feel uncomfortable, I double it and the growth weight and the weight gain and the physical stress. So it's not double the discomfort in the last weeks - it's EXPONENTIALLY more uncomfortable.

Back when I was in the easy days of my twin pregnancy!

Do you get to pick their birthday with a scheduled c section? What date are you picking?! 
As of right now, I'm not having a scheduled c section - I'm planning a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean section)! I'd rather cut off a toe than have another c section. My doctor supports this 100%, and as long as Baby A is head down, she thinks my success rate for VBACing the twins is over 90% - highest potential success rate doctors will give you! I had a great VBAC with my second son, so my odds of having another increase on subsequent births. Since this is the birth plan, I'll go into labor naturally and frankly have no idea what month they'll show up - September or October - much less what day. 

I love telling people in Texas this. Everyone is SHOCKED that I'm electing to VBAC over scheduling a c section in this c section happy state. Girl, bye. Recovery from a c section is bunk! I'll use the hole that God gave me to get those babies out, kthanxbai.

You're formula feeding, right? Trust me, you don't have time for on-demand feeding with twins! A schedule is a must!
Newsflash: you can breastfeed on a schedule! I did on-demand nursing for my first child and made it 3 months because I was so miserable from it. For my second son, I got introduced to the glorious schedule via my night nanny/certified sleep consultant. What you do (or don't do) during the day DIRECTLY impacts how your night is going to go. Let your kid nap whenever, eat whenever, and have no structure? Have fun with a fussy, awake baby all night! Overtired babies don't sleep better, they stay awake and if you let them nurse every hour, they will. Start to incorporate consistent nap locations, times, routines and start to get on a feeding schedule as soon as possible? Your nights become predictable too. So yes, I'm already a schedule convert and yes, despite what the nutjobs from Le Leche League say, you can totally breastfeed on a schedule and make it work. Schedules are the only way to sanity with infants (and toddlers and children too, actually...)

That said, if I'm totally miserable BFing the twins, there's nothing wrong with formula. Maybe I'll only make it 6 weeks or 4 months or maybe I'll make it breastfeeding a whole year. I'm going with the scheduled flow on this one!

Successfully breastfed this stud on a schedule. It's possible, I promise!

Have you traded in your SUV for a minivan yet?
You'll pry the keys to my SUV out of my cold, dead hands. Homie don't play dat. I understand your Oddesey has sliding automatic doors and cameras and room. I get that you think your Pacifica is the best thing that's ever happened to you. My Infiniti has automatic doors and three rows and room for groceries and strollers too. And I look good in it. Just sayin. 

When are you scheduling your "mommy makeover"?
Ha! I'm no idiot. You don't walk away from breastfeeding FOUR kids unscathed. I do totally plan on getting a lift and slight augmentation (the street name I've heard for this is a 'Brazilian breast lift') to fill the girls back out. Whether I need a tummy tuck or liposuction will depend on how everything shapes up and plays out. I doubt I'll need anything that extreme because I never gained a whole bunch of weight pregnant. But I created, carried and birthed four humans! If I need reconstructive surgery, I'm going to get it, not sit around feeling miserable about myself. I eat really healthy and workout regularly which will take care of most of it, but there's no diet or exercise in the world that will fix deflated, stretched out post-breastfeeding boobs! No shame in my planned-boob-job-game.

This thing is called a crib and it was made for babies to sleep in

You're not going to try to co-sleep with 2 babies are you?
Nope. No ma'am. I wasn't a co-sleeper with one and I'm sure as heck not starting with two! I have nothing against co-sleeping, if it works for you then great. I just know more moms who complain about lack of sleep and develop terrible sleep habits in their kids when they co-sleep, and I myself didn't get ANY sleep when I had my first two in bed with me (that lasted a whole week), so I got over that real quick. Cribs in their own room for these babies! And I must be doing something right because my toddlers both sleep in twin beds for 12 hours and don't get up/out of bed at night. Ever. Thank goodness.

I'm not one to complain about what people say to pregnant women because I generally take it as them being interested in me, which is flattering, even if it's a tad too personal. I've answered some of the rudest or funniest pregnancy questions I've ever gotten here, but if you've got more questions, don't hesitate to ask! I love a good laugh at an "inappropriate" question and have no problem deep diving into the juicy details. 

3 comments:

  1. Hehe! You know how I disagree with some of this, but I love that you’re an open book. These boys are going to be so loved!

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  2. Seriously!!!!?????? People are amazing! My sister got a lot of the same ones when she was pregnant with twins also! Cra cra!!!! LOL! Thanks for sharing and giving us all a few laughs!

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