An Uncomplicated Life Blog: Approaching The End For The Last Time

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Approaching The End For The Last Time

Final thoughts on pregnancy as I do it for the last time... Ever.


It's so funny to me how many people tell me to "try for a fifth baby, and maybe it will be a girl!" Um, no. That'd be five kids. That's insanity. As soon as we learned we were having twins, we knew for sure that this was the grand finale - the last round of baby making for us. I wrote this post before we even decided on a third baby and so many people said, "Oh, you KNOW when you're done! If there's a question in your mind, even in the furthest corner, you're not done yet." Well, they were right about both things! If there's a question in your mind about adding another family member, I say go for it. And when you've reached your max for baby making and family member adding, you'll know. Nearly as soon as I saw the two babies with two heartbeats on my sonogram screen, I thought, "Well dang. We're going out with a bang, because this baby making shop is c-l-o-s-e-d for business after this!" Hubs and I were on the same page immediately about future kids: four is where we stop. Four is great. Four and we're done. Even with that conviction, knowing that this is my last pregnancy is just weird, and bringing up some weird feelings and thoughts. I thought I'd share what it's like to approach the end of pregnancy for the last, final time.

All photos by my talented sister, Adrianne Mathiowetz Photography. If you're in New England, you should book her! She's even been voted one of the best photographers in Boston! Hashtagproudsister.


My first thought about pregnancy and reproducing in general is that I'm so so SO glad I was able to get pregnant easily every single time, have very few complications while pregnant (Henry was the only baby to give me any issues) and make such amazing, beautiful babies. My mom was an infertility specialist for decades and I know many women struggle with infertility. While I have suffered a miscarriage before, infertility is not a part of my story; my feelings and thoughts are in no way shaped by years of struggle to conceive or of dreaming for a family that might never come to fruition. Pregnancy came easily to me (sometimes too easily!) and got easier on me with each go around. For that, I'm forever thankful.

It's weird knowing I'll never be pregnant again. Not in a good or bad way - just weird. There are parts of pregnancy I've actually come to really enjoy. And there are parts I'll never miss, not even a tad. 

I'll miss the attention pregnant women get. I'm one of the seeming few who don't mind the questions or comments or belly rubs. Some people ask and some people just reach out and touch, but neither way bothers me and I know the person doing it is doing it out of admiration and love for babies and children. Everyone wants to talk to you about pregnancy and babies and your family. Everyone is concerned for your well-being. People go out of their way to do kind things for you, or to lend a hand. The experience of a pregnant woman in public is actually quite nice! I wish it were always like that, and it's something I'll dearly miss about being pregnant.

29 weeks pregnant with Henry for my first ever maternity shoot

I'll miss my maternity clothes. As strange as it sounds, since I've been pregnant so much in the last 5 years, most of my stylish, cute clothes are maternity. My favorite jeans, a pair of ripped up Joes Jeans (super similar here for cheaper!), will be dearly, dearly missed. 

One of the best parts of being pregnant is growing a bump. Not because it's fun to have a 5th appendage sticking out of you, but because it means you never have to suck in! You can eat what you want and let that thing hang, and everyone things you look cute. Food babies aren't cute, but a firm belly with a baby and tons of food in it? Adorable.

Every pregnant woman I know comes to say this at some point, and it's true: you eventually miss the kicks you feel from your baby(ies), even if they do make you pee in your pants a little bit. For me, the best part is in the beginning when you start to feel the flutters, and the soft kicks before the baby(ies) get big enough to kick you so hard, your boobs jiggle. Those are sweet moments that only pregnant women feel and are some of the very first bonding moments between a mother and her child. One of the few ways in which the mother knows her baby before anyone else in the world does. It's weird to think I'll never feel that again, or have those moments again.

It's weird to be nesting for the last time! The last time I'll wash and hang newborn size baby clothes in a closet. Last time I'll stock up on newborn size diapers. Last time I'll make sure I have enough little newborn hats and swaddles ready to go for long, long nights.
32 weeks pregnant with Otto with a 17 month old Henry! We had intended to do a full maternity shoot, but ended up just taking some photos on my block because it was SO hot and humid (check out that hair!)... In early November. I literally peeled off my clothes the second we got back inside, Henry went down to his diaper and my sister was like, "What the hell, Texas?!"

I won't miss the pregnancy symptoms - the heartburn (which is SO BAD with twins!), the pelvic pressure, the first trimester nausea and headaches, the back pain. Nope, all of that I'm ok with never having to experience again. My biggest physical complaint with the twins, because honestly it really hasn't been terrible, is that with all the relaxin my body is producing, my pelvic bones slide over each other when I get up to walk. You can even hear them pop and slide around! And yes, that's every bit as fun as it sounds. It feels like my body is just going to slide apart if I move too fast... I will not miss that!

I won't miss the weight gain. Losing muscle. Losing the ability to do certain yoga poses or various moves one by one each week as my belly grows. I won't miss the beautiful hot mess that is a woman's body after she gives birth. All stretched out and loose. Dressing is impossible - maternity clothes slide off but prebaby clothes are a complete joke! It's a weird in-between phase where nothing fits, nothing looks good and you certainly don't feel good in anything. No, I won't miss the awkward postpartum body phase and the roller coaster of whacked out self esteem that comes with it. 

I know some women love the newborn stage, but I'm not one of them. Yes, they're sleepy and sweet and cuddly, but they're also so. much. work. They don't know you. They don't look at you and smile. They don't say "mama" or "dada" or babble. They just lay there with all these needs that you have to tend to around the clock. No, I'm not a newborn fan. If I could birth a 6 month old who can sit independently and coo and babble and clap their hands (all the things that make parenting actually FUN) I would. I won't miss struggling through this newborn phase, one final time.

My final solo belly shot, 31 weeks pregnant with twins

It's weird to think that I'm approaching the end for the last time. My last pregnancy, and my last babies. I have no doubt that in a few years, I'll have blissfully forgotten all the side effects and nasty symptoms pregnancy can throw at you, see a pregnant woman and think, "Awwww, let's do that again. What a sweet, amazing time being pregnant is!" Funny how time erases your memories of all the hardships and all you remember is the good stuff. But no; this is indeed the final time. Four children is plenty, and plenty expensive. While there are things I'll miss, I'm also ready for this to be my last time. 

2 comments:

  1. Well you just solidified your fifth! 😂

    But seriously - I loved reading your thoughts on pregnancy and wonder if I’ll feel those next time too. We’ve always said two and we’re done!

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  2. Oh I loved this post and the breathtakingly beautiful photos of you and your family! I can relate to you on so many fronts here, I kept nodding my head through the whole post. Can’t wait to “meet” those boys of yours!

    ReplyDelete