An Uncomplicated Life Blog: When Your Baby Lags Behind The Development Curve

Monday, April 20, 2015

When Your Baby Lags Behind The Development Curve

Most my faithful readers know Henry has torticollis, and needed a helmet to reshape his head, and is undergoing months of physical therapy.

Well, we're still going. Twice a week. Most torticollis babies go for three to five months. We're starting month six right now, and aren't even beginning to have the "let's wrap this up" conversation.



What I didn't know when Lil' H got diagnosed with torticollis is that it's so much more than a tight muscle in his neck. It affects his development. Significantly. And because of that, I have an 11 month old who doesn't crawl. He doesn't sit up from a laying down position and worse yet? He doesn't even try. His shoulder muscles are still so tight, he won't grab an object with both hands. He won't hold his own bottle, sippy cup or food pouches.

Read: My 11 month old functions more like a six month old.

He eats everything under the sun, "pulls up" on furniture,  "scoots" across the floor on his butt, throws a ball to our dogs, says "Dad, Mom, hi (with a wave!), and dogs" to the right people/critters. He's not stupid, or slow, or "special." He's Henry.

But I had to drop out of most my mom groups. It was too miserable to sit there at lunch and listen to all the milestones their babies, many younger than Henry, were hitting while my baby wasn't even close. It felt like they were bragging about their kids (with good reason!) and I had nothing to brag about.

Except that people would stop to tell me how handsome a baby Henry is, and not mention or even look at the other babies. That always made me feel good. Real good. In a dirty, competitive kind of way.

So for all you mama's whose kiddos don't do what they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it, cheers to you. You're patient. You're loving. Your child will get there. Find other mom's who's kids aren't as perfect as the babies found in "mommy groups" and get together often. Know that your baby will be ok. She or he will do her/his own thing at their own pace and their own time.


14 comments:

  1. I hope those other moms didn't make you feel like you had nothing to brag about! Seems like Henry being Henry is enough of a reason to brag. I'm sure this is a difficult thing to go through but I'm impressed with how you handle it!

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  2. You know, I was having a conversation with my sister the other day and she mentioned that about mom groups too. I never realized how... competitive they were? Doesn't sound like a group I really want to be in, anyway.

    Some kids are just delayed. I mean, that's just life. You know? He'll catch up and it won't even matter that he "was 5 months behind" or whatever. In the long run, he's going to be just fine. Better than fine, probably, because he has a really freaking awesome mom!

    Keep doing what you're doing girl. Give that chunk all the love!

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  3. Ughhhhhh so you're telling me it never stops the competition thing? It just moves along to what your baby can do? I'll tell you what how many babies that I see who are born prematurely and are "behind" with their development. When I see them at 2 or 3 they are completely caught up and you no idea how early they were. That is why with the Denver Developmental scale there is a range of when babies accomplish things! Any luck with the yogurt or long graham crackers? ;-)

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  4. You're so right with your last comment. I don't have kids (as you know) but I work with kids especially babies and toddlers. One thing I've learned is that those markers are just guidelines. I can only imagine it's hard when other babies are passing them but you're so right to say those kids that don't will be fine. And Henry really is handsome. So so handsome :)

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  5. I totally agree with all of this. I have 2 friends with 2 year olds - I've told you about the girl before. Anyway, she was bragging to my friend that her daughter asks to use the potty and my friend's son doesn't. My friend said to me 'i don't care. he'll do it when he wants. also, he doesn't still have a bottle every night'. honestly, there is always going to be something that you or your baby is ahead or behind vs some other baby and comparing is obviously not the way to go. those mom's suck for not being nicer about it, i'm sure they didn't mean to brag but maybe they were jealous of how adorable and awesome Henry is ;)

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  6. Your last paragraph was amazing!! Your son is absolutely amazing!! :) xo, Biana- BlovedBoston

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  7. Your posts always make the think so much about motherhood. These are issues and situations I never would have thought about on my own. I see a lot of my girlfriends who have kids and they're always talking about the awesome things their little ones are doing (as they should; everybody needs their mama to brag on them), but I never imagined how it might make another mom feel about her own child's development. I think it's so great that you aren't afraid to say how you feel. I think a lot of people would gloss it over or ignore it, but you're so honest about how hard it is sometimes.

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  8. Oh the mommy groups. I lasted all of 4 weeks in one of those. Just too much competition. Henry is an absolutely adorable little boy. So handsome! We all face different issues with our children at some point. Henry is already talking which is awesome! He'll get the physical stuff in time and then you'll be saying, "He gets into everything! I can't keep up with him." :)

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  9. Sorry to read that your mommy group made you feel that way! It's sad to say but that seems pretty common. They seem to be more annoying than enjoyable. Like you said, your little guy is his own person and will develop at his own pace. Sometimes those milestone markers can be more of headache for moms than a good thing. Stay strong! It sounds like you have a positive outlook and are in the right direction. Winks and Eyerolls

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  10. My 2.5 year old had torticollis when he was a baby too. Doesn't sound as severe as Henry's but you're so right with the comparisons, and we really lucked out in that department. It affects so much more than you think! David will always have an ear that sticks completely out, unless we do surgery. His jaw is starting to even out... we were told down the road he may have some shoulder pain if he plays any contact sports like football. All things I never ever thought of when he was a four month old who leaned left. Henry will get there. Before you know it the therapy will be but a distant memory.

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  11. Absolutely love this! Thanks for sharing.

    Tif
    www.brightonabudget.com

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  12. My oldest son is 10.5 now but when he was 2-5 years old he was really behind with a few skills.

    "So for all you mama's whose kiddos don't do what they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it, cheers to you. You're patient. You're loving. Your child will get there. Find other mom's who's kids aren't as perfect as the babies found in "mommy groups" and get together often. Know that your baby will be ok. She or he will do her/his own thing at their own pace and their own time."

    Love this!

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  13. I just came across your blog and found this post and I can relate. My 15 month old is functioning maybe like a 11-12 month old right now. And while that doesn't seem that behind, when I see other babies his age doing things (walking, talking) and he's not, it's hard.

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  14. Your posts always make the think so much about motherhood. These are issues and situations I never would have thought about on my own. I see a lot of my girlfriends who have kids and they're always talking about the awesome things their little ones are doing (as they should; everybody needs their mama to brag on them), but I never imagined how it might make another mom feel about her own child's development
    Jennifer Dominquez
    http://www.bebewellness.com/

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